The 32-year old virgin

Source: eBay

 

 

68 days and counting. Since the last time I had sex.  Which is a great thing because… I’ve taken a break from sex! Better yet, I am proclaiming myself a virgin again. 

This as a result of two things I’ve been giving it a lot of thought to recently:

1)      When I lost my virginity a number of years ago, it was one of the most un-poetic and non-romantic things ever and I want to take that back. Because now I truly believe that we can create who we want to be every day of our lives. We’re not carrying around traumas, past, failures, we are erasing them and turning them into positive notions every day, if we so wish! So who’s to stop me from becoming a virgin again?

2)      Sex has always been more of a problem in my life than a joy (who knows, probably as the result of my un-poetic entry into the world of the flesh), a way of feeling validated, a way of getting myself tangled into unhealthy and damaging relationships.  And I hadn’t even realised it was turning into some kind of an addiction.

For years, I’ve been looking for the emotional through the body. Sex in itself is a wonderful thing, but only if the emotional comes first. Not when you’re expecting the emotional relationship as a result of lust. I basically got it the other way around all these years and wondered why things were ALWAYS going wrong!? Doh!

Well, at some point in life you’ve got to figure out what you need to change in order to break the negative cycle, you've got to learn the lesson. So I thought about it long and hard and I realised that: a) one night stands are really not for the faint hearted and don't let yourself be fooled into thinking they're an expression of power and independence, depsite all the feminist propaganda; b) who needs sex when you have marathon running, body pumping and all sorts of other physical activities?; c) when you have enough you really have enough, not sooner nor later, it’s all just part of the process; d) it's still a body matter but it’s about truly inhabiting your body, feel  it’s every corner, fill it with your presence, love it and honour it like the most important thing, because your body is the vessel which helps you live this life the best way you can.

So I’m a virgin again. And I'm happy. Because (and this came as a shock even for me!) I am no longer looking for ANY relationship with ANY guy who'll have me. I am not looking for just anyone, because I’ve found myself. Or better yet I created myself. Just the way I want to be! And I'm not saying that it's not important to be with someone but it's all about the person who comes quietly into your life and feels like it's always belonged there. And that, to me, is the only way to transmute lust into love.