My week in one word: Love

I bought this beautiful 'Love' ring today. I'm not really a ring person - I'm more of a chunky necklaces kind of girl - but when I saw it in the jewellery shop, I knew I had to have it. I needed it. As a reminder. That love is the answer to every question. That every time I am challenged, upset, distressed, anxious, insecure, depressed, damaged, needy, clingy, nasty, resentful, pathetic, unhelpful, negative, judgemental, stubborn, lazy, defeatist and lonely, love is always the only way to make things good again. All I need to do is take a look at this ring, breathe and let all those negative feelings dissolve, let them go away...

We all have our good days and our bad days. I like to think that I have more good days than bad days, but getting rid of old habits doesn't happen overnight. It takes a long, long time to just keeping at it before you start seeing real change. Despite years of trying, I haven't even began to change truly.

It seems easy enough to change nasty habits like smoking and binge drinking into healthy ones like exercising, but is it really enough? If doing so seems like a chore sometimes, maybe what we're trying to do is just scrapping the surface, instead of making real change. This week I've been reading 'Loveability' (by Robert Holden) and it's opened my eyes to realise that all the positive change in the world can only really be achieved by loving yourself. When you love yourself, you want the best for yourself and that's when exercising, eating healthily, drinking plenty of water and sleeping well seems like the natural thing to do. It's an expression of your love to yourself. Excess is viewed as a thing of the past, reminiscent of your self-rejection.

This may seem pretty obvious, but I can guarantee you that when you're tangled in your own fear born stories, the answer is not so evident. I'm not into tattoos so a ring suits me just fine, as a reminder to keep my focus on what's real.

I'll give you an example. Last week I've been given the radio silence treatment from a guy I've only met a few times, I liked him enough to go out with him, but still a guy I knew almost nothing about. And yet when he decided to ignore me, old fears and thoughts re-emerged. They were strong enough to put me through at least two full days of self-judgement and self-punishment. I convinced myself once again I had done something to drive him away, I found myself guilty of having been too keen and not having followed the Rules (WTF is wrong with me!?) and then I really despised myself for having texted him with what I felt. So instead of making it easier for myself to get over it asap, I made it harder. And I turned something probably really insignificant (at the end of the day, if he couldn't look into my soul and see the treasures that I know are there, he was nothing but a waste of time for me) into another drama. I declared myself unloveable again (it's a habit I've been mastering for years, probably since I was born!) and decided that I was probably going to spend the rest of my life alone.

Now, if I had been focused on the truth about myself, I would have discarded those thoughts as if they were just annoying flies. Because I do know for a fact that thoughts attract each other and my brain was just doing what it knew best: reviving similar memories and making me believe they were real. If I had been focused on the truth about myself, I would have looked deep inside myself with love and thought 'God, I'm such a wonderful creature, thank you for making me see the beauty and the treasures you put in me!'. I would have not allowed a simple rejection to turn me into a fearful and insecure person all over again. Because I am not that person anymore.

Thankfully it didn't last too long. I opened my eyes to see those annoying demons disappearing like smoke, the moment I realised they were not real. But I honestly don't want to see them back again so I'm holding on to this little word: LOVE. And until I remember it forever and ever, I'll be wearing it on my finger.

Stay inspired, people!


 

My week in words - EMPOWERMENT

I haven’t been able to write ‘My week in words’ in a while. Mainly because I am busy at accumulating words from all sources for my dating book, as if in a race against clock and I’m lacking the time and the headspace. It’s strange, but I finally feel I no longer have all the time in the world to sit around thinking about writing books and I’ve actually given myself deadlines. And time flies. So I’m lagging behind on ‘regular sections’, posts etc.

But this week I feel the need to talk about a word I’ve really been obsessing about lately. I want to talk about empowerment.

 

Source: lipstickandpolitics.com

 

My research about love is strangely bringing me down a path which awakens my solidarity with the women of the world and the still very much present need for our empowerment. It’s really interesting that, despite the fact that many of us don’t feel we should actively engage in feminist activities, we subconsciously recognise that the work is not yet done and there’s still need for a little action. And we’re not talking burning bras anymore (I’m perfectly happy to wear beautiful lacy lingerie, thank you very much!), but we’re talking women with ‘balls’ (hope you excuse my language) who are not afraid to talk about what’s still missing in the world, as far as women are concerned.

‘After Caitlin Moran’s How To Be A Woman came out here in the UK in 2011, a younger crowd started talking about feminism and realising that our grandmothers didn’t quite manage to finish the job. But still, calling yourself one publicly can be frightening. It can get you into trouble. It opens you up to a world of criticism about how you are not feminist enough, or that you don’t really understand what you are talking about so should probably just stop.’ says Dawn Porter in her article for Stylist about the creator of Girls series, Lena Dunham.  ‘Personally’, she continues, ‘I like the way that Lena defines a feminist; it’s really just about whether you are looking out for other women or not. It’s inclusive and unthreatening. It’s how it should be. She has said [in an interview with Metro newspaper this month], <Do you believe that women should be paid the same for doing the same jobs? Do you believe that women should be allowed to leave the house? Do you think that women and men both deserve equal rights? Great, then you’re a feminist.>’

 When asked by Stylist what she thinks is the key ingredient of female empowerment, Gwyneth Paltrow responded: ‘I think knowing yourself, but truly. As opposed to the self your parents gave you or your partner or the school bully, or whatever. I think so many people give us ideas of what we are. I think as women especially, because we’re sensitive by nature, we’re more vulnerable, we absorb other people’s ideas about what we’re supposed to think or who we're supposed to be and how we’re supposed to act. And I actually think it ends up killing us, and that’s why we (as women) have 5-to-1 autoimmune disorders, compared to men. I really do. We somaticize that suppression of self, it comes out in our bodies.

I think the most clear, direct way to empowerment is to really know yourself and to really use your voice and to not be afraid of other people’s reactions' she continued. 'And to be really, really true to yourself. That to me, has been key to me in understanding how I want to live the second half of my life. It’s only recently that I’ve really fully understood that.’

And this, my dear readers, takes us closer to what steps we need to take towards empowerment: the realisation that women and men are different, they are not superior/inferior to each other in terms of abilities, they are just made differently. And when everyone will understand and accept that, we’ll all be living in a better world. And steps are being taken. Suzie Shaw, the female CEO of a creative ad agency in Australia, notes in an article for B&T Magazine:

‘Seriously, men and women are equally capable. But that’s not to say they’re the same (…) In our mutual pursuit of ‘equality’ we have all failed (women and men alike) to recognise that women are different, so need a different management approach to ensure they thrive.’

So who knows, maybe this whole discussion about empowerment starts with recognising our female structure and instead of trying to act like men and to beat them at their own game, why not say things like ‘I need more support, so I can do my job better’, ‘I can be a better professional with the right mentorship’, ‘I do work better when my efforts are appreciated’, ‘Why, thank you for the compliment!’ and ‘Men are not the enemy, but our partners in this journey through life’. Perhaps such simple and honest statements may begin to turn things in our favour, once and for all.

This thread of thought actually makes me think of the iconic ‘Sex & The City’ HBO series, which, why not admitting, has shaped a generation of women (group to which I too belong) into thinking that women are perfectly entitled to flaunt their sexuality and to treat men like objects, particularly through the lovable yet caricaturised character of Samantha Jones. It’s the whole ‘Eye for an Eye’ all over again. But the new light shed on the ancient men and women at war conversation makes me think that we’ve been looking at this all wrong: we should not be trying to be ‘THE NEW MEN’ but instead we should be trying to be ‘THE NEW WOMEN’, the women who find empowerment through their own intrinsic sensitivity and delicacy, the women who care about other women and about every living soul on this planet equally, the women who are finally awake and are making themselves heard. The likes of Eve Ensler (the author of The Vagina Monologues), Lena Dunham, Dawn Porter, Gwyneth Paltrow, Suzie Shaw or Caitlin Moran are not alone. We are wide awake, we hear what you’re saying and we feel empowered.

 

 

My week in words: Cloud Atlas

Source: celebquotes.com

I believe in the providential roles of books. Cloud Atlas came my way only when I was ready for it. I started reading it a few times before and abandoned it every time, only to pick it up again. But not sooner than when I was prepared, I actually started reading this book, which talks about souls and reincarnation without being prescriptive. Only now I find myself open to the idea of eternal souls (souls passing through time like clouds in the sky), of people being bound to eachother, 'birthing' through their crimes and acts of kindness, their future.

My fascination with this book is too intense to put into words, and yet I have grown as a reader to the extent that I am actually enjoying it slowly. I'm not gulping it down like I did with others in the past, I'm reading it with the respect one should give to the savouring of caviar. I won't even start talking about the many literary merits of this extraordinary book, and just share a few quotes, whose strenght and relevance might ensure that they will forever live in my memory. 


“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.” 

“My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”  

“Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.” 

“Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible.”  

“I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And i'll be waiting for you there.” 

“You say you're 'depressed' - all i see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human.”  

“All revolutions are the sheerest fantasy until they happen; then they become historical inevitabilities.” 

“We looked at each other for the last time; nothing is as eloquent as nothing.”

“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.”  

“...there ain't no journey what don't change you some.” 

“Times are you say a person's b'liefs ain't true, they think you're sayin' their lifes ain't true an' their truth ain't true.”  

“If losers can exploit what their adversaries teach them, yes, losers can become winners in the long term.” 

“The uncreated and the dead exist solely in our actual and virtual pasts.”  

“As an experienced editor, I disapprove of flashbacks, foreshadowings, and tricksy devices; they belong in the 1980s with M.A.s in postmodernism and chaos theory.” 


In an essay for Random House, David Mitchell, the author of 'Cloud Atlas', wrote:

"I knew I wanted to be a writer since I was a kid, but until I came to Japan to live in 1994 I was too easily distracted to do much about it. I would probably have become a writer wherever I lived, but would I have become the same writer if I'd spent the last 6 years in London, or Cape Town, or Moose Jaw, on an oil rig or in the circus? This is my answer to myself."

My week in words

Source: http://eunichick.tumblr.com/

It may be the imminence of my trip to Vietnam or my forgotten gypsy soul knocking at the doors of my rational incarnation of self which works in an office, delivers projects to clients on time and leads a respectful and uneventful civilised life, that made me stumble upon references to travelling this week.

I haven't travelled in a long time and I feel the world is calling out for me. I feel like Ulysses imprisoned by Circe and smothered with love by the too familiar. My soul wants to drink the 'poison' of strange worlds. So I kept pinning things like that on my Pinterest Inspiration wall the whole week:

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: thefreshexchangeblog.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: londons365.tumblr.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: justbesplendid.tumblr.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: quote22.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: allthingsstylish.tumblr.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Iulia on Pinterest

Source: music-lyrics-words.blogspot.com via Iulia on Pinterest

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Source: captivating-quotes.tumblr.com via Iulia on Pinterest

Or in the words of David Mitchell in 'Cloud Atlas' (the only book I've been managing to steal reads from this week during my daily commute)...

“...there ain't no journey what don't change you some.”

“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.”   

I'm ready now...

My week in words

source: theydonttellyou.wordpress.com

This week's been a really busy week so my words this week are a bit scattered. Projects at work with very tight deadlines, flat viewings (still looking for a flatmate and it takes the life out of me!), friends in town, Vietnam trip planning, you name it! I'm drained! And the more tired I am am, the more I am getting excited about those 3 weeks in Vietnam.

But back to words. I've been reading randomly from various books. I am doing speed researching for my 'love'/'dating' book and there have been lots of things going through my head which I noted down and thought I'd share as well. Some are really good, like some sort of ancient wisdom has taken the form of words in my head, so I am happy to share. Some don't really make sense now but I'm sure they will later. But I also read some inspirational things or things that resonated with me lately, which have now gathered below...


6-word fiction

'We kissed. She melted. Mop please!' -  James Patrick Kelly



 The Happiness Project - Interview with Rebekah Sanderlin.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a happiness quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful? Or a particular book that has stayed with you?

“Keep advancing the ball.”

'When I was a senior in high school, only one girl tried out for my school’s golf team. The school was going to have to forfeit the season. The golf coach was my Ecology teacher and he told me that he would teach me how to play if I would just agree to be on the team, so I signed up. (My grades were bad and I hoped he’d slide me a few points.) I was horrible at golf. The first few times I tried to hit a ball off of a tee I missed the ball completely. Then, once I started hitting the ball, it would only go 10 or 20 feet at a time. I hacked the fairways to pieces. My coach was patient, though, and he just kept saying, “It doesn’t matter how far it goes, as long as you’re advancing the ball.” That has become my mantra. I don’t have to be great at everything, I just have to continually make forward progress.'



Secret of Adulthood@gretchenrubin

'Things often get messier before they get tidier.'

'Make sure the things you do to make yourself feel better don't make you feel worse.'



Wetlands by Charlotte Roche
(Note: this is a wonderfully sickening book which will either make you empty the contents of your stomach with every turn of the page or make you wonder whether hygiene and social manners aren't actually just a little bit overrated)

“You go to the bathroom at a restaurant or train station and as you pull the stall door closed behind you, you’re misted from above. The first time it happened I was really horrified. I thought someone had flicked water on me from another stall. But then I looked up and saw a dispenser attached above the top of the door. It’s actually designed to spray innocent bathroom users with sickening sweet disinfected as soon as they close the door. On your hair, your clothes, on your face. If that doesn’t constitute rape by hygiene fanatics I don’t know what does.”

“I’m my own garbage disposal. Bodily secretion recycler,”

“It’s like a sport. In any room I have to be the most uninhibited of all those present.”


And the list goes on. Read it if you can. It will make you laugh!

And a few words that formed into my head, may mean something to you or not, they definitely make some kind of existential sense to me :)

'Living is an act of creation.'

'The main advantage of going to the cinema alone is that you don't have to worry about the fact that the person you're with might not like the film you've chosen.'

'My ego is reducing me to nothing.'

'My idea of heaven is being buried in books'

'Do something different every day, buy something from the supermarket you never bought before, talk to someone at work you never spoke to before, go inside a shop you wouldn't normally go and look around, smile to a stranger on the street and see what happens'


And lots of other weird ideas but I will finish here for now with the words of my beloved author  Milan Kundera:

 'Experimental thought seeks not to persuade but to inspire.'

Have a great week-end. Stay inspired.

My week in words

source:www.raintoday.com

This week has been about life as a journey and about connections.

The words that came floating my way (not so much from books, as from random places like ads on the tube, blogs, films etc) all seem to gravitate towards the journey of discovery, the discovery of oneself, the acceptance of who we are (even if that means admitting we are stupid!) and allowing this to be the basis of our character building along the way. The words that came my way this week were also about relationships and how best to use them to turn thoughts and ideas into reality.This week, there were also a lot of words about smiling!

Here are a few that I'd like to share.


Eckhart Tolle talk at Google (from You Tube)

'People complain when something has gone wrong. No, it's just life. It helps you evolve. It's like character building in a good movie.'


'Beyond Hills', film by Cristian Mungiu

'He who goes on a journey is not the same he who returns.'


Baird T Spalding, 'Life And Teaching Of The Masters Of The Far East' (vol 1)

'It is impossible to go and stay at the same time'

'Love makes the ideal become real'

 

Toby Beta - 'Master of Stupidity' (A funny little book I stumbled upon on Goodreads.com)

 'First rule of stupidity : Admit honestly that you're stupid enough to learn lessons of your own life.

Second rule of stupidity: Don't take anybody's bullshit about being smart and wise. Just try to be less in stupidity, step by step, gradually.

Third rule of stupidity: You will never learn anything good and pure by pretending to be a smart one. List down all your ignorance and stupidity, then make them as a start.'

"The mind becomes much more beautiful, when man could see his own weaknesses." 

"People with dimple have a divine role in this universe: smile!"

"A well-trained mind responded to symptoms. An ordinary mind reacted after it happened."

"Charisma is the fragrance of soul."

"Rookies tend to show off."

"Strong words resonate."

"Youngsters want to change world. Elders want to enjoy their works. The entrepreneur sells anything needed by both to win their desires."

"Not all good things come from good people."



Nike Training Facebook Page

 

'If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you'

 

Kabbalah Ad on the tube

'Relationships aren't about finding the right person, they're about being the right person'.

 

 

John DeVore,  thefrisky.com

 

'It's remarkable how love can sometimes rot and decompose into cruelty.'
 

 
My own words (as I was smiling to myself on the tube platform and noticed people smiling back at me):

'Smile to yourself, and smile upon the whole world.'



Keep smiling and stay inspired!

 

My week in words

Source: Crosscrafter.com

Right, so following the trend of nowadays bloggers who all seem to have a recurrent section called: ‘My week in Instagram’ I decided to launch a similar section called: ‘My week in words’.

Reasons:

1)      I mean words were, are and will always be in fashion, right? People might get bored of Instagram, but they’ll still have to use words, so I reckon my section will prove to be pretty timeless.

2)      I have an old iPhone which takes about a year to take snaps, so my week in Instagram would be rather scarce. People will go like: ‘Oh, I see, you’ve only had a plate of pasta all week. How boring is that!?’ or ‘Isn’t she wearing any make-up?’, so since I am a book worm and a bit of a ‘spiritualist’ and I read a lot, it’s the only thing I can confidently share with the world without feeling like a total trend follower.

3)      I love words!

So here we go, some of the wisdom I accumulated this week and think you’d love too!

Things that made me laugh:

‘Lighter Shades of Grey’, by Cassandra Parkin



‘Are you gay, Mr Grey?”
“I cringe, mortified. Crap. Why didn’t I employ some kind of filter before I read this straight out?”

Hell if I know, Ana. Maybe you’re related to Ron Burgundy?

“Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.”

Mr Rochester was rude, sarcastic and frequently cruel. Mr Darcy was rude and socially awkward. Alec D’Urberville was a rapist, and Angel Clare ran for the hills as soon as he found out he wasn’t marrying a virgin. Heathcliff was a psychopath.

“Would you like a bag?”

…”Please, Anastasia.” His tongue caresses my name, and my heart once again is frantic.

In pronouncing the name “Anastasia”, the tongue stays entirely behind the teeth and is not visible at all. In order to accept the premise that Christian is, indeed, caressing Anastasia’s name with his tongue, I am forced to conclude that he is licking her name-badge.

Things that made me think:

The world’s poorest president (BBC News)

‘The Uruguayan leader made a similar point when he addressed the Rio+20 summit in June this year: "We've been talking all afternoon about sustainable development. To get the masses out of poverty.

"But what are we thinking? Do we want the model of development and consumption of the rich countries? I ask you now: what would happen to this planet if Indians would have the same proportion of cars per household than Germans? How much oxygen would we have left?

"Does this planet have enough resources so seven or eight billion can have the same level of consumption and waste that today is seen in rich societies? It is this level of hyper-consumption that is harming our planet."

Things that calmed me down when my mind was talking too much:

Eckhart Tolle – Various Lectures (mostly paraphrased)

‘Often you only have a relationship with your mind. Not with another person. You think you marry another person but you’re actually married to your mind.’

‘A great spiritual teacher visited a very ill patient, who was suffering. The spiritual teacher asked: 'What is your problem? Why are you so sad? I don’t see any problem in this room.'

To which the woman answered: 'I’ll show you where the problem is!' and removed the covers to reveal the fact that one of her legs was swollen and looked abnormal in comparison to the other leg.

To which the teacher answered:

'I see what the problem is now. The problem is that you expect  both your legs to be equal in size!'

To which the woman laughed for the very first time in a very long time.’

‘The mind is fearful of real relationships.’

‘Many achievements come from deep inner pace, as a result of it. As long as you don’t make external achievements your purpose.’

Things that made me go ‘Yeah!’:

Will Smith:

‘In life you don’t need a Plan B. Plan B distracts from Plan A!’

‘My greatest fear is fear. I have fear of fear!’

Things about writing:

Gotham Writers’ Workshop: Writing Fiction

On the role of the writer: ‘The great Anton Chekov said (…) that the fiction writer does not need to solve a problem so much as state the problem correctly.

(…) You just have to shine your flashlight on some aspect of life and let the reader see what’s there.’

On beginnings: ‘Think of yourself as a guest who has just arrived at a party. You wish to make a strong impression. You can strangle the hostess. That should do it.’

On editing: ‘A Tennessee Williams said to Gore Vidal after Vidal finished editing one of his short stories: ‘You have corrected all my faults, and they’re all I have!’

Until next week. Stay inspired!