I bought this beautiful 'Love' ring today. I'm not really a ring person - I'm more of a chunky necklaces kind of girl - but when I saw it in the jewellery shop, I knew I had to have it. I needed it. As a reminder. That love is the answer to every question. That every time I am challenged, upset, distressed, anxious, insecure, depressed, damaged, needy, clingy, nasty, resentful, pathetic, unhelpful, negative, judgemental, stubborn, lazy, defeatist and lonely, love is always the only way to make things good again. All I need to do is take a look at this ring, breathe and let all those negative feelings dissolve, let them go away...
We all have our good days and our bad days. I like to think that I have more good days than bad days, but getting rid of old habits doesn't happen overnight. It takes a long, long time to just keeping at it before you start seeing real change. Despite years of trying, I haven't even began to change truly.
It seems easy enough to change nasty habits like smoking and binge drinking into healthy ones like exercising, but is it really enough? If doing so seems like a chore sometimes, maybe what we're trying to do is just scrapping the surface, instead of making real change. This week I've been reading 'Loveability' (by Robert Holden) and it's opened my eyes to realise that all the positive change in the world can only really be achieved by loving yourself. When you love yourself, you want the best for yourself and that's when exercising, eating healthily, drinking plenty of water and sleeping well seems like the natural thing to do. It's an expression of your love to yourself. Excess is viewed as a thing of the past, reminiscent of your self-rejection.
This may seem pretty obvious, but I can guarantee you that when you're tangled in your own fear born stories, the answer is not so evident. I'm not into tattoos so a ring suits me just fine, as a reminder to keep my focus on what's real.
I'll give you an example. Last week I've been given the radio silence treatment from a guy I've only met a few times, I liked him enough to go out with him, but still a guy I knew almost nothing about. And yet when he decided to ignore me, old fears and thoughts re-emerged. They were strong enough to put me through at least two full days of self-judgement and self-punishment. I convinced myself once again I had done something to drive him away, I found myself guilty of having been too keen and not having followed the Rules (WTF is wrong with me!?) and then I really despised myself for having texted him with what I felt. So instead of making it easier for myself to get over it asap, I made it harder. And I turned something probably really insignificant (at the end of the day, if he couldn't look into my soul and see the treasures that I know are there, he was nothing but a waste of time for me) into another drama. I declared myself unloveable again (it's a habit I've been mastering for years, probably since I was born!) and decided that I was probably going to spend the rest of my life alone.
Now, if I had been focused on the truth about myself, I would have discarded those thoughts as if they were just annoying flies. Because I do know for a fact that thoughts attract each other and my brain was just doing what it knew best: reviving similar memories and making me believe they were real. If I had been focused on the truth about myself, I would have looked deep inside myself with love and thought 'God, I'm such a wonderful creature, thank you for making me see the beauty and the treasures you put in me!'. I would have not allowed a simple rejection to turn me into a fearful and insecure person all over again. Because I am not that person anymore.
Thankfully it didn't last too long. I opened my eyes to see those annoying demons disappearing like smoke, the moment I realised they were not real. But I honestly don't want to see them back again so I'm holding on to this little word: LOVE. And until I remember it forever and ever, I'll be wearing it on my finger.
Stay inspired, people!
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