Dating myself

I am one of those people who's been on lots of dates. Most of them bad dates. As dates tend to be. Bad...

I am aware that the planet is full of individuals that never had to go through the 'experience' (it's a word I decided to use after intense deliberation) of dating: people who through some kind of miracle meet people without having to date, or link one relationship to another seamlessly and effortlessly as if it's the world's easiest thing to do. I've not been one of these lucky people. I've always felt like I had to struggle to get into a relationship. As if I had a bloody civic duty to make it happen...

Ever since I became old enough to be interested in boys, I got it into my head that I wasn't attractive enough so I had to make myself more appealing. This slowly developed into a habitual reaction of over-functioning in the presence of a man I was interested in and brought along rejection. And with every rejection I tried even harder. I've been a prisoner of a vicious circle I have been working hard at creating myself for years.

Countless bad dates and the same empty feeling later, until one day when it all became simple and clear due to the world's worst hangover.

It all culminated with the date where the guy took me to a strip club, suggested renting a hotel room and, after I refused, told me I've got issues. And that was just after the guy who didn't bother to let me know he didn't feel the spark. And he followed the guy who interviewed me at Starbucks over a mug of peppermint tea and concluded the date by telling me he would have a think and let me know. And then there were the no showers, the late cancellers, the 'let's just say I'm not having the best night of my life 'guys and of course the time wasters.

But I took it all in with a smile on my face and just tried again, with boundless enthusiasm. Until the most recent fiasco which was followed by an intense and unbearable hangover. That hangover must have been a divine intervention as it sort of brought me back to reality. The moment I managed to sleep off that horrendous feeling, I decided I will no longer date anyone but myself. Simply because time spent with myself it's always time well spent and because I seem to be the only one who treats me the way I deserve. And since so far dating hasn't brought me anything but hangovers and a general feeling of self loathing, I put together an emergency recovery plan which includes weekly alcohol intake counting, regular exercising and healthy eating.

I've been doing that for almost two weeks now and it's been great. My general well being has improved dramatically and no longer feel the need to try too hard. I no longer feel the need to try at all. Dating myself is really easy, I have nothing to prove: I already know how great I am!