It recently occurred to me that in order to find love you have to give love. And not to a select few - close friends, relatives, people we fancy etc. - but most importantly to those who make it challenging for us to love.
To illustrate this I will invoke a story I read about Saint Therese de Lisieux which I've read in Grethchen Rubin's 'The Happiness Project'. Saint Therese was a French carmelite nun quite famous for her 'little way'. Little way is about making small adjustments in our every day lives, small yet impactful overall, rather than waiting for a major event in which to demonstrate our spiritual greatness. And despite being a beautiful soul, she was only human and she had her dislikes.There was a particular sister she found insufferable which she deliberatley wanted to spend time with and forced herself to like. That particular sister never knew she was one of the least favourite people of Saint Therese.
This story really impacted on me because I think it illustrates something a lot of spiritual people are going on about: that we are here to embody love and to truly embody love is when it's most difficult to do.
There's no real effort in loving people who are making it easy for us to love. Which obviously doesn't mean we shouldn't love them. Really we should love everybody because we all come from the same source but I know that most of us aren't yet that advanced as to truly practice love. So there will be people we'll find tough to love. There will be people who'll push our buttons over and over again! And it's particularly those people we should strive to love more because that's what embodying love is all about.
As Marianne Williamson says, “Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.”
I noticed that only through trying to love against my normal affinities, I'm genuinely beginning to understand this whole love thing. I mean I'm a good person. But If I was truly honest with myself I would notice that sometimes I take my friends for granted, that sometimes all I want them to tell me is what I want to hear and I'll do the same for them, that I don't always and fully heatedly listen etc. So I've decided to challenge myself a little bit and before reacting the same way I would always, I just put a little bit more love into my actions. I think 'What would I have to say to my friend so it really helps them?' and that little thought would change the whole situation. And it feels good. I feel like I'm finally starting to embody love. It's not about who is right and who is wrong. It's about loving the others, just as they are.
People used say to me 'You'll find (romantic) love when you're not looking for it!' and I grew sick and tired of it. How can I not look for it I asked myself when all I wanted to do was be in love with someone? Now I think this is probably true. But it's certainly not complete. I think what people should really have said to me a long time ago is: 'You'll find love when you're not looking to get it, but when you're looking to give it!'
What about you? Are you a giver of a taker?...
Stay inspired!
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