Radio silence is NOT cool!

Source: fact.co.uk

“Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence' -  Pulp Fiction



But there's another kind of uncomfortable silence out there which I'd like to talk about and its name is radio silence. Defined by the Urban Dictionary as occurring 'when somebody doesn't return phone calls or text messages, is most commonly used when trying to develop a relationship with someone.'

I've just been radio silenced. Again.

The first time it happened when I was 21 and very much in love with a handsome Greek man, who used to text me and call every day and night. Until one day, when he stopped completely. Just like that. I was heartbroken. Big time. At 21 you kind of still believe in good intentions and for the life of me I couldn't explain it to myself why he suddenly decided to play dead. He would have saved me years of agony if he'd just picked up the phone and said to me: 'Listen kid, you're nice and sweet and all, but you know what, you're no challenge to me and frankly I'm a bit bored. Plus, I've met this hot Greek lady which I really have the hots for. But don't be upset, your time will come, you'll be a sophisticated lady one day and you'll meet a hot man who'll be dancing to your tune, you just need to grow up a bit. And chill, you know. Don't take it personally, it was fun while it lasted! Yassou!'

12 years later and it gets me every time. Last year, I was dating a guy for two months before he radio silenced me. Damn, it hurt. I told him so. I have this nagging urge to close chapters and wanted to know what the hell possessed him to think it was ok to just disappear without notice. I got nothing until a few months later when I discovered he had sent me a message on the dating website on which we'd initially met. That he was sorry blah blah blah. We met up again a couple of times until I told to myself 'Iulia, what the hell are you doing?' so I told him that I didn't think he was adding any value to my life and that I would appreciate if he stopped contacting me. A couple of days ago he messaged me again. I am in radio silence. But I already said what I had to say and I am in no way miss managing his expectations. He'd probably have to set himself on fire now if he really wanted my attention.

A week ago I was radio silenced again. I went on F-O-U-R dates with someone I really began to like and who's behaviour indicated that he really liked me too. We even had the radio silence conversation on our fourth date (perhaps I was trying to preempt it from happening again so I told him about my unfortunate experience from last year):
Me:  'Isn't it awful?'
Him: 'Yes, it's terrible. It happened to me last year too.'
Great, a man who understands how it feels. Ummm, on a second thought.... After our fourth date, he went under. I send him a text on Sunday,one on Monday and another one on Friday (stupid, I know, hold your stones, it was default behaviour!). Then I deleted his number and our conversations. It was time for me to deal with radio silence differently.

To me, it's one of the most difficult things to deal with. I can't possibly understand why someone who thought highly enough of you to invite you out on a few dates (please note I'm not talking about the silence following one date in which both people don't think things need to be taken further and they mutually radio silence each other) doesn't feel you are worthy to be notified he doesn't want to pursue things with you any longer. Or at least that's how I perceive it because I respect people I engage with enough to tell them directly how I feel right then and there. I don't really look at this and go 'He's nothing but a coward who doesn't deserve any further thought.' No, I fret over it and I lose sleep over it. I just don't get it how can somebody pursue you like you're the hottest thing around since the iPhone and then drop you like you've developed leprosy over night. So what I normally tend to do when this happens is that I spend way too many days feeling bruised and upset, sometimes I try to contact the person and tell them that wasn't a nice thing to do (although it never makes me feel better!) and in the end I decide to be the better person and forgive them. Recipe for success. Not!

As Jen Clarke aptly puts it <“Sometimes your closure is just realising that this guy is scum.” Amen, sister. Sadly, that is very often all the closure you’ll get. And all you should try to get. Attempting to force his hand to defend his actions will rarely result in anything good. You’re not likely to get a real answer. (Should he actually answer the phone, rest assured the following will be coming out of his mouth: “Ummmm, I’ve been busy…” Sound familiar?) So here’s what you have to do: Let him disappear. As tough as it is, it’s really your only recourse. Do anything else and you’ll either be the dumb chick who bought into his excuses or you’ll come off looking like a desperado, or both. (Trust me, I’ve been both and it ain’t pretty.)>

Yep, so did I. And it feels really crap already that you've been discarded but to go through further humiliation is probably 10 times worse.

Although I really do wish that there was a Love Police out there who would diligently make note of  my complaint and shame the offender publicly so he never does it again, I know that's not happening nor that it will in any way prevent it from happening again. So I have decided (do wish me luck because I really want to kick any guy right in between his legs for even thinking this is an OK thing to do!) that I am just moving on. Not holding on to why hasn't he thought highly of me, why didn't he like me? Who cares! As long as I like myself... Which between us, I seriously doubt that I do, since I've let this affect me already more than it should have, but, hey, I guess it's all part of the learning process. At the end of the day, being honest and direct is a matter of self-respect and radio silence is simply NOT cool. At least in my world.

What do you think? Has this happened to you? How do you deal with radio silence?