Sunday, 24 July 2011

Amy, it's not even cool...

When I heard the news yesterday, I was a bit shocked. Just for a split second. It's like receiving some news you're expecting. There's a moment surprise. But then it's gone...

And that's the saddest thing about it I guess: the whole world knew it was going to happen one day. It's not even cool anymore. The world is tired of another talented young person killing themselves in drugs, pills and alcohol. It's so uncool that I am struggling to feel something about her death. I can't... How come other celebrities with amazing voices manage to be successful and lead perfectly normal lives. Being rock'n'roll these days is not a pre-requisite to being famous.

What are these people even angry at? What's the trauma that they are fighting to drown in drugs and alcohol?

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now and it's not a great surprise that our generation is drowing itself in drugs and alcohol. It's because we have never done anything extraordinary, have never been through something terrible, have never had to struggle, fight a war, live in poverty, worry about food and shelter, you know, this kind of things... Our generation is desperate to feel something... Or at least that's my theory. And when I look at Amy's life all I see is a beautiful girl with heaps of talent and nothing but a bright future. How did she get where she did? We all know the story, it's been all over the papers, but the real question is why did she allow herself to get there? Low self esteem, bad influence, the need to feel something?... I don't know, all I know is that this just isn't cool...

I will give her a moment of thought and will pray for her soul. But the one before the horrible tatoos and the bad skin, before the missing teeth and the breast implants, before she lost all her curves and dignity... For the beautiful Amy we would have all loved if only she stayed...



Thursday, 21 July 2011

O Roma mia!


It's safe to say (and hardly anyone could argue) that Rome is the most beautiful city in Europe. It lives, it breathes, it's been there almost since the beginning of time. It's almost scarily beautiful.

It's my second time in Rome and I am grateful I got the chance to see it again and still keep my convictions. Despite the 'Roman centurion' tricking me into taking a photo with him for 2 euros or the Romanian woman asking for money on the pavement in Romanian (!!) it didn't spoil it for me. Because I hardly did any of the touristy stuff and I think that's important. Otherwise Rome is reduced to the same thing - a race agaisnt the clock to tick all the sights on the list which I believe makes her majesty the city of Rome frown a little bit down on the little bit too zealous tourists.

Instead I took pleasure in strolling aimlessly when I had the chance and eating. It may almost sound like a cliche (especially since I read Eat Pray Love already twice) but the food really made me close my eyes and imagine I'm in heaven. And the cold limoncello. And the cheap squares of pizza from the take away shop. And the gelatto (did you try the pistacchio one next to Fontana di Trevi - well you must!!), and the espressos and the Monte Negros. And even the tramezzinos from the coffee shop downstairs for goodness sake!

Somehow unexpectedly though, this time I didn't imagine myself living behind one of the windows with a charming display of fresh washing in Trastevere. See, I used to do that a lot. Everytime I went somewhere on holiday, especially in hot climates, I would try to imagine myself how it would be to actually live there. And on my return I would linger a bit on the idea that maybe one day I'll go back there for good. And despite the freezing cold waiting for me back in London, I didn't even get upset. I don't know what happened but I somehow came to the conclusion that every place has its share of misery. At least I got a bit numb to the level of misery I experience in London and that's these days pretty bearable. If I'm honest, the only way we could probably avoid the misery would be living everywhere for 3 months at the time. Before the misery settles in... The misery of rain in London, the misery of being way too hot and the traffing being a bitch in Rome, the misery of being too busy in New York, the misery of being too quiet in my home town... You might as well stick to the misery you're used to. So no, I didn't fantasise about living in Rome this time but I did plan to go back. Hopefully over and over again...

There are many films featuring Rome, but somehow my favourite is "The Roman spring of Mrs Stone" - the old version with Vivien Leigh and Warren Beatty. There's something there: something which starts like a promise and ends up in misery... When I found myself in front of the Spanish Steps I could almost imagine her somewhere on one of the roof terraces embracing Rome with all the heart. Let is be a while until misery settles in...

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

It's all in the details

I noticed that I write less and less frequent on the blog. What started as a self-therapy and a very personal blurting it has now become something else all together. Mainly because I feel less and less the need to talk about personal issues. Surely because my personal issues have been replaced in time by personal goals and personal interests.

I would love nothing more but to talk about these newly found passions but to be completely honest they keep me very busy. So I find it very difficult to gather some time and write and when I do I want it to be something of substance and something that the readers will benefit from. And that's why I would like to give this space a bit more structure and a bit more thought. It kind of started as a public journal about 4 years ago but I see it now as more of a way to share my ideas, interests, passions, things I like and things I am good at.

So I would like to declare as a kind of manifesto that this blog will still be a journey of public self discovery, but on more levels and layers.

For now, suffice to say I volunteered to help a friend decorate her new house and I am very excited about it. This may actually be my very first project and I like nothing more that browse around for wallpapers, furniture, chandeliers, mirrors, paints and fabrics.

For now I will finish with sharing this amazing wallpaper from Dedar Milano - www.dedar.com - which I just happened to come accross. Will be very happy to share more of my project as it progresses. Keep you posted :)


Saturday, 11 June 2011

Family ties




It's been a long time I have been living on my own. It's been many years I have been living in London, away from my country, away from the little family I have left there. All my visits have been usually short and tempestuous, hardly ever benefiting from spending quality time with my closest. But these days I have been reminded about all that I have been missing all these years...

My mother and my cousin (to whom I am so close that I often and fondly refer to as my little sister) visited me for the first time since I took up the challenge of living abroad and granted me one of the most rewarding experiences of my life up to date. Because I have been unable to share the everyday realities of my existence in London with my closest and dearest, I have always felt like a huge bridge that was between us needed to be crossed in order to align the two worlds I have been living in almost simultaneously for the past 8ish years...

I have been given an amazing gift and their visit has been heart filling. From the fact that I saw my mother enjoying every moment of it to the cuddles and the jokes we've shared, from their daily discoveries of a city I adore to the night to the Opera where my mum and I went to see Tosca, I have been experiencing joy and laughter and an incredible feeling of peace. As if they have given me blessing for the life I chose to live. My life and my choices have been validated and all my efforts compensated. But above all, I suddenly stopped feeling alone. If every once in a while I get surrounded by sadness and loneliness, I now realized I am not and will never be alone. I do have a family, I indeed have been blessed and even though the road to getting where I am now hasn't always been smooth, I am truly grateful for everything I've got and profoundly happy that being a daughter is yet another thing I am unable to fail...

I thought it would be stressful but it has been accomplishing. The two of them are getting along so well and have enojoyed their London experience so much that none of my initial worries materialised. In fact, now that they are on the plane back to Romania, I can't help but cry a little, missing them already, and start making plans for when they will come again. And who knows, perhaps one day, I will have my family with me and all these lonely days will have become a thing of the past, a thing of the past I will look back upon and smile... Because everything happens for a reason and every experience is what makes a life.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Womanity

I was recently astounded by how good Madonna looked at the Met Gala this year. Wearing a long figure hugging Stella McCartney dress, she looked amazing. Why was I surprised? After all,Madonna is and has always been a beautiful woman...
Well, because it's the first time in a very long time she has embraced her femininity. Sporting a lovely slightly fuller figure and a beautifully retro curled hair, she showed what she really is: a beautiful woman in her 50s.





There is no shame in that. I love how some women grow old gracefully assuming the time that has passed and taking pleasure into showing the world a few wrinkles, a few streaks of white hair and even a few extra pounds. They wear it all with pride. I absolutely love every time I get to see someone like Sophia Loren or Helen Mirren. This is why perhaps I was so struck by Madonna's last appearance. She has finally decided to show the world who she really is and the world seems to like it.

Back in 2009, at the same event she came flaunting a much younger Jesus Luz and a Luis Vuitton outfit (as seen on the catwalk), which unfortunately, didn't become her in the least. It seemed as if she was trying so hard to be and look younger that it actually enhanced the fact that she is an older woman who ought to act her age.





Perhaps we should all take some learnings from this. Most of the times, it is ok to embrace your womanity, love what you hate about yourself and allow yourself to feel and look what you really are. If you don't believe me, judge for yourself.

Here's a selection of few of my all time favourite ladies:

Christina Hendricks of Mad Men




Always demure Helen Mirren



Timeless Elizabeth Taylor



Iconic Marilyn Monroe




Amazing Meryl Streep





Sensual Kate Winslet



Mediterranean beauty Sophia Loren




Ageless beauty Audrey Hepburn

Monday, 25 April 2011

Easter thoughts

I tried feeling miserable. I really tried. I tried looking at all the loved up couples having picnics in the park and feeling like the one left out. I tried thinking about how lonely I am and how it is Easter again. I tried looking in the mirror and noticing my wrinkles (they are there now, can't miss them even with my poor vision).
I really tried to feel miserable. I wanted to soak in my own misery and feel like the one girl who's never going to find love and happiness because sometimes it's just easy to feel like that. Sometimes it feels that putting on a brave face and constantly repeating positive mantras is just so energy draining. It feels that once in a while it's ok to feel like the ugly duckling and imagine a lifetime of loneliness because you simply can't see how the opposite will ever happen. But you know what - I couldn't! I just simply couldn't! Because feeling good about myself is simply not a difficult task. It's not something I have to force upon myself, but a state of just be. And being by myself is such a blessing that I sometimes look forward to.

In fact, because I do lead an extremely social life, I find myself yearning for some time alone. However, whenever I get it, I become restless and confused. But once the confusion dissipates, I embrace loneliness and just stay with it. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with the choices we make. It's nothing wrong to want to ditch a party for a night in and a glass of wine, nothing wrong with making mistakes because they are the one who turn you into who you are, nothing wrong with not being who everyone else expects you to be.

Somehow, no matter how much I want to just indulge in self pity, the reality is that this is just not going to happen.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Change of seasons


Spring has made an appearance quite early this year. It arrived with a plethora of colours and plenty of sunshine to already justify the floral prints and straw hats, the jugs of Pimm's and picnics in the park.
This feeling is suprising and refreshing as it feels like only yesterday we were all wearing black and grey and cursing the winter than didn't seem to want to leave.

I find myself these days looking at people on the street and realizing how much better everyone's outfits look. I for one definitely have far nicer summer clothes than winter clothes. For all I try, I can never really pull a jumper right. I am pretty heavy chested and jumpers will never look on me as they do on the catwalk. I also hate cold and will never be able to walk on the street in a remarkable outfit with an open coat and no scarf displaying some state of the art necklace as I risk freezing to death before arriving at my destination. Every winter I get rid of jumpers and buy new ones, always as bad as the ones before. And somehow the only ones I do like happen to be wool ones which inevitably end up shrinking in the washing machine as I have never been the kind of person who follows washing instructions on the label...

Anyway, happy spring is here. In fact so happy that I went on a shopping spree. I felt my wardrobe needed some colour, a yellow tee, a cream mac, a coral dress, a couple of jumpers (a size bigger so they don't make me look fat), definitely a pair of denim shorts (which I didn't buy yet), a couple of scarfs (I happen to have bought nine when in Ethiopia) and many many very important other things.
As it is to be expected, my wardrobe is bursting. I have so many clothes that sometimes I get upset I can't choose which one to wear...
As much as I became really good at not buying bags and shoes anymore, I am still a sucker for buying clothes...Not to mention I really must have the 'it' skirt of the season, the pleated skirt. In fact, if I remember well my mum still has pink one in her wardrobe which I might attempt to steal rather than ravaging through vintage shops...




I blame fashion. I blame fashion for coming up with new things every season that everybody must have. And yet all we do is coming back to old trends. I get rid of so many clothes only to regret having done so a few seasons later. I am honesty pissed off about that. I wish I can just wear the things in my wardrobe over and over again until they can't be worn anymore.
I blame myself for being so much into fashion. I am scrutinising men's outfits/shoes etc. and I can be easily turned off by a pair of unappropriate shoes... I can be also easily turned on by someone wearing a trendy outfit. I am such a fashion whore...

However, this may not be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I do like wearing nice clothes and I am into image. So I started a Profesional Styling Course which at least justifies my guilty pleasure. And who knows,maybe one day instead of spending money buying clothes for myself that I DO NOT need, I might be satisfying my thirst for fashion by dressing up other people.

For now, I like the change in seasons and will try to take it easy. After all, it's all last season's clothes anyway!...

Thursday, 31 March 2011

And you call yourself a writer

I used to ask myself this questions numbers of times. I used to doubt myself more often that I used to trust myself. I have always wanted to do things, be things, but would always kind of push it somewhere aside. Procrastitation was my middle name.
But guess what - now I can call myself a writer! Because I will get published. Don't get too excited,nothing fancy. Just a boring healthcare article in a Journal about to be published. But yes, this journal will be published and people will read it and yes somewhere in a corner there will be my name.
I have decided a few weeks ago to stop procrastinating. Just like that. Just do it!
I am definitely up to a few more projects, but there is a slight superstitious side of me that wouldn't like to talk about it until there's something to say.
In the meantime, at least I can call myself a writer.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Why don't you settle down?...


Funny how slowly all your Facebook friends are starting to sport pictures of their children as they profile photo. Before you know it, you're the only adult left on what seems to become a kindergarten social networking site.

I was just talking about it the other day with one of my best friends. We just concluded that we were perhaps amongst the last few left from our generation who haven't got married nor given birth and who basically running around in search for adventures and fun. A couple of days later she called me in complete shock to announce her younger sister is pregnant... I think I was even more shocked. The reason behind our shocked reaction is that it's happening closer and closer to home. At first, children springing around wouldn't really affect me as they were somehow far away in a different universe - friends and friends of friends that I didn't get too see nor speak to very often. I guess that if I am completely honest with myself, I have even developed a sort of rejection towards these friends, keeping contact to a minimum. I mean, don't get me wrong, they are still my friends and I love them dearly, but as soon as children were involved, I was kind of stepping out on the back door. But as time takes its toll, more of my very close friends are getting ready for or enjoying parenthood making it more and more difficult for me to run away and hide from the evidence.

Pregnancies closer to base are haunting me these days. It is a cruel reminder of the fact that I am no longer a youngster, hell I ain't even in my late twenties no more. I should have bred long time ago according to Mother Nature. But all I am thinking about is how to avoid reality, how to keep myself busy with all sorts of other things like doing charity treks and fantasising about becoming a writer, or at least a peace activist. It saddens me to realize that time is passing and not only my head is full of grey hair (thankfully, skillfully died) but I am no longer young at heart. I am utterly exhausted of putting up a fight.

And the final blow came from my own mother today who, despite the fact that she's always been supportive and never questioned my lifestyle choices, suddenly asked me why I am not settling down, why am I not looking into having a baby, having a family, do what NORMAL people do!!! It hurt more than I expected because I didn't expect my own mother to give in to the pressure...

I mean, who is there to say what people should do with their lives? Who is that superior instance to say we should all get married and breed? We are human, not animals. We defy the laws of nature and do all kinds of un-natural things. Why living as a late-teenager in one's 30s is suddenly a crime?? Is it really wrong of me to wanting to do other things with my life?...
All through my 20s I had the feeling of running out of time, still too young to understand that not everyone has to be set on the goal of achieving a husband, a family, buy a house, get a dog etc.
Since then, I have spent a great deal of effort into convincing myself that it's ok not to have all that and we can still have perfectly fulfilled lives even when we're 31, single and childless. And then suddenly, I am bombarded from everywhere with this pressure again...
I hear around me things such as "You're not young anymore, you should be happy with what you get etc etc." My blood is boiling. I try to be calm and find out what is it that really makes me so upset? Is it the fact that maybe I do want to have a family but fail to admit it to myself, that perhaps I was designed to do something else and the rest of the world doesn't understand me or that I may be actually going trough a quarter life crisis and I really need to find out what is it that I REALLY WANT...?

One thing I know for certain is what I DON'T want: I don't want to live an amputated life just because everyone else says so.

Sometimes things are just said though. Fortunately, my mother loves me enough to grant me that I may just not be like other kids and take me for what I am. I was HER choice, after all!...

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

The charity 'business'

Back for already over two weeks from my charity trekking and yet my efforts are not over. I didn't realize how much vital energy this has taken from me - mind you I needed almost a week only to be able to phisicaly recover. Once I started to feel like a normal person again,I realized that I still needed lots of energy to carry on fundraising.

Despite having received lots of donations from many generous hearts and despite having contributed myself a great deal already, I am still to achieve my target. I am extremely proud and grateful to all my contributors for having reached 73% of my target up to date, considering I have not received any corporate sponsorship (although I was expecting some initially...), but unfortunately my fight is not over.

I must confess I feel drained. I feel drained from reminding people about it and from having to explain myself all the time what is it that I am doing, what is it that I am trying to achieve...

I have a distinct impression that people have mixed feelings regarding charity work and why shouldn't they?... After all, what is charity but a business in itself?...

People feel robbed by the fact that some of the money that are being donated end up paying for the charity workers' salaries. Or, as in my case, paying for some of the expenses of my trip... In fact this is true, but isn't it as true that without the effort of these people, things wouldn't happen...

How can you turn the £5 you have donated into a month's fresh water supply for a village in Africa without the system that has been put in place by a bunch of enthusiastic people working for a charity? And after all, we all agree that they have to make a living too... Oh, wouldn't we all want to help the less fortunate, not pay any rent, not need to spend any money, feel good and generous and rich both spiritually and financially? But the reality as we all know it, plays by different rules. The truth is that if we want things to do happen, some investments need to be made.

It is true that I did the trek to Ethiopia because I wanted to. I could have paid for my trip, go there and come back without the hassle of raising money, which I must admit has been 10 times more exhausting than the trek istelf. But I chose the hard way because I felt that something had to be done, that I had to do something. And it's because other 9 people have decided to do the same that the charity we are supporting has raised enough money to implement a few very important projects in Africa. A small and dedicated charity that doesn't flaunt children pictures or panda bears, but does its job. As non-glamorous as this may sound, it saves hundreds of lives every year.

So let me just conclude with this: if it wasn't for the 'business' of charity and for the few crazy people ready to go through difficult tasks to raise the money, very few things would be achieved. So if you feel you may have misjudged the charity sector or simply feel generous, I am still taking donations on Just Giving so, click here to donate.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Ethiopian Portraits

















Unspoilt Ethiopia - trekking through the Simien mountains






Situated inland in the horn of Africa, bordered by Somalia, Eritrea, Sudan, Kenya and Djibouti, Ethiopia is a fascinating land than many know next to nothing about. Also known as the cradle of humanity, due to the discovery of Lucy, the oldest human skeleton aged 3.2 million years, Ethiopia is mainly "famous" in the Western world because of the famines, especially the one between 1984 - 1986, which affected more than 8 million people. A predominately agricultural country, Ethiopia is still at the mercy of rainfalls.



However, the richness of its culture and the breathtaking natural sceneries, more than make up for its possible lack of modern commodities which may very well put off the over spoilt today's travellers.

Which of course wasn't the case of our charity trekking group, ready to face any challenges the country, the weather or our own limits may have thrown at us.

Day 1

Arriving on a Saturday early morning after a 7,5 hrs overnight Ethiopian Airlines flight, we were quickly introduced to the hustle and bustle of Addis Ababa (meaning New Flower in Amharic, the most widespread Ethiopian language), which, at first glance, seemed to be a bit too much to take in... Busy streets, mules crossing the streets, a little bit too Communist buildings, people sleeping on the pavement, lots of local "entrepreneurs" selling their merchandise off a blanket on the sidewalk, many half finished constructions and above all the dust and the heat.

The visit to the market in Addis was a bit of a scary experience, overcrowded,smelling of fumes and spices, almost a huge creature with millions of heads and pumping hearts, ready to eat you in, never to be seen again... But most interesting it was the things that they were selling at the market, including empty plastic bottles and used raffia sacks, used spare parts, chains and lots of plastic crockery... Not much that I would have bought to bring back as a souvenir... I must confess that my second visit to the market, on our last day, was less of a shock and more of an enjoyable experience as I had grown to like these Ethiopian people so much that watching the people going by or getting rid of the two lads selling me African toothbrushes (which literally were carved wood branches used to refresh the smell and clean the teeth) was actually a heart filling thing to do.





I must admit that it wasn't much I knew about Ethiopia before my visit. Perhaps only that the Emperor Haile Silasse was the one who inspired the Rastafari movement in Jamaica after his visit there and that Ethiopia was considered the sacred land, the Zion for all the rastafari followers. Perhaps faint rumours of the Queen of Sheba and king Solomon reminded me a bit of what used to be Abyssinia and that the Simiens were apparently a must see. Other than that, a lot of ignorance of my part... I wouldn't recommend going to Ethiopia without a local guide. They seem not only extremely knowledgeable but also very excited about sharing as much as they can about their country, which they all seem to be very proud of. The Ethiopians are proud of their heritage, of their glorious past and of their independence over the years. They have a huge smile on their faces which is extremely contagious, but above all, they are rare beauties. Both men and women have a specific face bone structure, with high sculptural cheek bones, big brown eyes and a skin colour to make anyone green with envy. They are all slender and athletic as if born to be strong and ready to achieve excellence. I also became interested in learning about their history, their brave and majestic kings such as Tewodoros, Yohannes and Haile Sillasie and about their overwhelming cultural heritage, thirst which has been diligently fed throughout our trip.

Day 2

Breakfast at candlelight and packing guided by flashlight. Thank God I didn't forget anything at the hotel in Addis. Everything in my backpack was an essential item for the trekking ahead, I couldn't have afforded to leave anything behind...
Due to lack of resources, electricity cuts seem to be quite a frequent occurrence in places in Africa. Somehow I managed to forget that the same happened in Romania when I was growing up. Now, how easy it is to take things for granted...


We were going to leave for Gondar, spend another day getting acclimatised before saying good bye to civilisation for the next 4 days. A short flight with a small Ethiopian Airways plane and couple of hours later we were descending to the city of Gondar, famous for its impressive castle ruins and for being the birth place of one of Ethiopia's most famous kings, Thewodoros, who shot himself rather to surrender to the English. According to our guide, a famous armour is still displayed at the British Museum and Ethiopians want it back. I promised myself I'd go again to the British Museum and look for it.





Gondar is full of blue tuk-tuks, a rather touristic place (though still not many Europeans in sight...) and a continuous source of awe. After visiting the "Camelot of Africa", the royal palaces starting with the palace of King Fassilidas, and a wonderful lunch at Dashen Brewery where we enjoyed a pint of the freshly brewed Ethiopian beer, we went on to visit the oldest orthodox church in Gondar made surprisingly of mud and straw and holding on proudly to its original mural paintings. I am only sorry I didn't get to see an actual sermon, full of chanting and strange ceremonies as we were told. On our way out, we were lucky enough to see a loud Ethiopian wedding which strangely reminded me of the Romanian weddings...

Day 3

Our first day of trekking started with a 4 hours bumpy ride from Gondar to the Simien National Park. In Ethiopia and especially in the Simiens, roads are still being built and a feeble start of a sustainable infrastructure is being attempted. Thus, we were jiggled on the long drive over cobblestone leaving clouds of dust behind us as if we were in fact sometime at the beginning of the 20th century. This road, however, was our only access to the Simiens and after a short lunch break, we began our first day of trek from the Simien lodge, accompanied by Tash, our wonderful guide, two scouts employed by the National Park and a couple of helpers with a horse and a mule to carry extra water.
Passing through various changes of scenery, it was impossible to hide our amazement and awe. As far as the eyes can see, reddish volcanic formations were displayed to our sights' content as if they were in fact temples built by an alien civilization. They seemed so perfect and surreal, almost extra-terrestrial. This is how I have probably imagined how other planets looked like and yet, all this was now in front of me, as real as anything else.



Passing through, we had our first encounter with the famous local Gelada Baboons (also known as the Bleeding Heart Baboons) and spent a good period of time observing those interesting creatures that absolutely loved the attention.






Just before dark, we arrived at our first camp site, where our tents were already erect and our main luggage already waiting for us. After a cup of tea and a delicious dinner prepared by our resident chef, we all headed down to our tents, exhausted after a first day of walking and looking to hide as quickly as possible from the freezing cold, which did get down to 0 degrees C during the night. My first night in the tent went pretty well, managing to sleep through most of the night, but waking up with a semi-paralyzed face that only started to feel like a normal face after washing with a bit of warm water left outside by a caring hand.

Day 4

My second day of trekking has also been the hardest. Oblivious to the fact that I might be affected by altitude, I chose not to take altitude sickness prophylaxis tablets and I ended up having difficulties breathing and experiencing headaches. As we marched, the scenery changed slowly into a red dust desert-like setting and breathing became even more impaired as dust insinuated into our lungs with every step we took.
During the first part of the day, we ran into another group of baboons, minding their own business by the river, but towards the afternoon though, human presence became accentuated the closer we were getting to a village. By the time we got to the village, my lungs were desperately crying for air and desperation became greater when finding out that we were only half way through to the camp site, which became the end goal of every taken step. Skinny, dark, bare feet children of all ages appeared out of nowhere and started a “hello” saying contest. Trying to respond to all those “hellos” meant we had to give up climbing as the air was never enough… And that wasn’t really an option, as we had to make sure we arrive at the campsite before dark.
My strength was leaving me and by the time we finally managed to get to the camp, I started feeling feverish and getting cold shivers. By dinnertime, all I wished for was to get through the night. Which turned out to be probably the worst night of my entire trip…

Day 5

The morning of the next day I wasn’t feeling well. I was still shivering, wearing no less that four layers and my ski jacket. At that point I was convinced that I will fall ill but I carried on walking. Slowly and struggling, but I carried on walking. It wasn’t as if I had a choice… It wasn’t as if I could have picked up the phone, call sick and lie in bed all day, feeling miserable. All I could have done was to carry on walking.

Soon enough though, I started gaining strength and my ascension wasn’t as painful as I feared. The higher we went, the colder it got, so kept most of my layers on, except for the ski jacket.
Every once in a while we’d reach a peak which allowed us to embrace with our gaze most of the scenery below and no matter how often that would happen, we would still burst with amazement in “wows” and “ohs”.




I have long time ago realised that no matter how well crafted, painted, projected or built a work of art is, there simply is no comparison to the perfection of the greatest creator: Nature. Perhaps because we stand astounded at the sight of something so magnificent and beautiful which perhaps wasn’t even created with intent (think about volcanic formations, erosions etc.), we are left breathless. Perhaps because it reminds us of how small we really are… Or because we simply understand that we are part of a Universe that lives and breathes and carries on without us, if we chose to ignore it, living our lives as if there’s nothing more important than our selfish little selfs… Perhaps that’s why when I saw Sagrada Familia I was so touched – because it doesn’t try to claim the human superiority but rather kneels in front of the greatest artist of all times: Nature… To me, Sagrada is homage to Nature…
Here I was standing in front of something far greater than even Sagrada… Miles and miles of red mountains resembling ancient pyramids…
But before I was even able to take in all that, I found myself surrounded by giant labellias (beautiful plants resembling palm trees, which only grow at high altitudes) scattered across a scenery that made me wonder if I haven’t magically been transported via a parallel universe gate to a desert…



The desert soon changed into a dangerously looking path that would scare anyone with a freight of heights. I must confess I am one of those people that when looking down from a dangerous spot gets the vertigo (or at least thinks it). In this case though, I couldn’t afford that. I had to carry on without looking down and making sure my foot is grounded at every step I took. That dangerous march seemed to take forever, but before dark we made it to the next camp…

I’d like to talk to you a bit about the stars… I often wonder if we are actually on the same planet, as depending on where I am, the sky is always different. I have never seen so many stars on the sky in my entire life… The sky was made of black velvet (you could almost feel its tenderness) and millions of crystals were scattered everywhere as if the sky was the most expensive ball gown… It was so amazing that it was almost scary… I planned on lying down on my back and just look at it intently until my gaze hurt, but the cold made that impossible. I had to throw a quick glance, take yet another deep breath and rush into my sleeping bag… There was more walking to do…

Day 6

The actual last day of our trekking was planned to be an 800m climb up to the peak of Ras Bwahit (14,500 ft). At times steep and stoney, the asscension proved to be the most difficult yet. Breathing was becoming almost an impossible task and yet filling my lungs with more and more air with every step I took, kept me going. They say that during hard physical effort, people tend to talk to themselves and repeat mantras to keep them going. All I could think about was making sure to take in the next breath of air. Soon, it felt as in a different dimension, getting slightly dizzy and really starting to wonder if I'd make it to the top. We were working against a deadline and not making it to the top by 10 am, meant having to go back no matter where we were... For that we had to wake up erlier than usual and walk in the dark with the help of flashlights until the sun came up.
I really wanted to get to the top. If I didn't, all that effort meant nothing. Just one more step, just one more breath... When I finally made it to the top, I felt pure happiness. Congratulating eachother on the top of the world, I felt tears in my eyes and they were some of the happiest tears I've ever shed... It may have been the result of the physical effort, or maybe the team work that this challenge has been, perhaps I felt incredibly lucky for having experienced something of such importance, for the blessing of having set foor in Ethiopia or all at once, but I was incredibly happy.




I knew I was never going to be same after this. I knew I wanted to do even more... As much as I could...

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

3 days away to Ethiopia...

Yes, I am officially freaking out! I am only 3 days away from flying off to Ethiopia and although I have reached more than 60% of my target, did all my vaccinations, got my visa, bought all the first aid bits, trekking boots etc etc. I am freaking out!!

It may be because I started the year in a major rush! I wanted to avoid at all costs going through the depressive state I went through last year and perhaps I went a bit too far. Perhaps January is indeed the month of wallowing, staying indoors, watching cheesy films and pledging to go to the gym, but never doing it...

I've just kept myself busy fundraising heavily, getting quickly adjusted to a new job, even to a potential new relationship and occasionally training, that I reached the point of saturation and mental exhaustion. Now, I am less than 3 days away from flying off to Ethiopia and instead of jumping up and down with major excitement, I am stressing out that perhaps I haven't done enough to ensure my overwhelming success...

Is it perhaps that I have forgotten the fact that I am going there for two major reasons: for the immense satisfaction of knowing I am helping others and for the privilege of being even for a few short days in the middle of the nature, somewhere remote and hopefully closer to God and my own feelings than I could ever be in an urban environment. I am longing for that peace that I should already be inducing myself...

But one thing I know for sure: once I decide I don't like where things are going, I am always adjusting my feelings in order to feel great.

So don't worry, I will come back with wonderful stories and hopefully amazing life conclusions ;)

Monday, 17 January 2011

The singleton syndrome


I didn't even realize it, but I think I may have crossed the line between being single and longing for a relationship and being single and feeling really comfortable about it.

I only just came to the conclusion that all the ideas I have been toying with about me coming of age and looking for the Nice Guy were just self-convincing statements, when, in reality, I have made such an incredible good job at really enjoying being single that I have reasons to believe that I may have become a relationship phobic.

While dumbfound by the realization that I may actually have a problem, I went on the ever reliable Google and wandered around in search of answers. I cam across this title: "The Successfully Single Syndrome" by Dr. Nancy Kenyon and thought it could be a good idea to read some of this literature that may find me some answers. It seems that the book is dealing with why people are still single and giving advice on how to find the right partner, but I am not sure many people have bothered to see that while trying hard to convince ourselves we don't need somebody else in our lives to make us happy, us single people have programmed our minds that we are probably happier alone than trapped inside a relationship that we can't seem to be able to embrace the perspective of a one...

Scared by the things I have just discovered, I have also noticed that no matter how much I rationalize it, I do, without a shred of a doubt, have a falling in love pattern and yes, it is the people that don't want me that make me want them. How pathetic. In a day and age when I thought I had it all sorted out, turns out that if I a guy is too much into me, I tend to run away as if I was bitten by a poisonous cobra. I cannot help but wonder what is it that I must do, to let go of this bad habit and simply open my heart fully to a person that surrounds me with attention and perhaps "loves me just the way I am". I am fighting battles with my own feelings and instincts and I do pray to God that I win. Otherwise, I'll be chasing dead horses all my life while wondering what am I doing wrong. What am I doing wrong is being set on some silly self imposed criteria and not being able to open my eyes and be more flexible about things. I wonder if I may still stand a chance to be cured of the Single Syndrome or is the kind that sticks with you forever and ever?...

Nobody is supposed to live alone and yet again, we have beaten Mother Nature to the polls. Take that Nature, who said we can't live single happily ever after?... Who says we can't be walking the earth in search for some sense and purpose? I mean, what else if left after I come back from climbing mountains like a goat? Just a big black emptiness... I guess.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

New Year - so much to do, so little time!




This would be my first post in 2011. Not because I have nothing to say, but because there is so much happening!

Christmas seems so far away already, the New Year party, being home, it's already so last year. It's been great, but as always, happy to be back home in London.

And this year I have more reasons to be excited: I have started the year with a brand new job in a great ad agency and already feeling better about the work aspect of my life. But more than anything is the fast aproaching trek to Ethiopia.

It's less than a month away and I am running around trying to sort out insurances, visas, vaccinations and above all - training sessions! I obviously have spent Christmas training pork delicacies down my throat so the need of getting in shape is stronger than ever. My motivation is high, the only thing I am short of is time. Trying to walk 2-3 hours a week-end, going to gym classes after work, getting crash-training at work as well and preparing for the fundraising party - it seems that the luxury of sleeping is no longer mine! No wonder I am knackered all the time.

But hey, the January blues are certainly not something I should be worried about! I am full of energy and high on excitement. So far, I had no time to breathe and think but got my little notebook ready and will make sure I write everything down when I'm there. I am expecting this to be one of the best experiences of my life!

A really big thank you to all the people that have donated towards my charity trekking and have helped me reach 25% of my target! I won't let you down.

If you wish to donate you can do it by clicking on my JustGiving page.