Yes, I am officially freaking out! I am only 3 days away from flying off to Ethiopia and although I have reached more than 60% of my target, did all my vaccinations, got my visa, bought all the first aid bits, trekking boots etc etc. I am freaking out!!
It may be because I started the year in a major rush! I wanted to avoid at all costs going through the depressive state I went through last year and perhaps I went a bit too far. Perhaps January is indeed the month of wallowing, staying indoors, watching cheesy films and pledging to go to the gym, but never doing it...
I've just kept myself busy fundraising heavily, getting quickly adjusted to a new job, even to a potential new relationship and occasionally training, that I reached the point of saturation and mental exhaustion. Now, I am less than 3 days away from flying off to Ethiopia and instead of jumping up and down with major excitement, I am stressing out that perhaps I haven't done enough to ensure my overwhelming success...
Is it perhaps that I have forgotten the fact that I am going there for two major reasons: for the immense satisfaction of knowing I am helping others and for the privilege of being even for a few short days in the middle of the nature, somewhere remote and hopefully closer to God and my own feelings than I could ever be in an urban environment. I am longing for that peace that I should already be inducing myself...
But one thing I know for sure: once I decide I don't like where things are going, I am always adjusting my feelings in order to feel great.
So don't worry, I will come back with wonderful stories and hopefully amazing life conclusions ;)
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