Funny how slowly all your Facebook friends are starting to sport pictures of their children as they profile photo. Before you know it, you're the only adult left on what seems to become a kindergarten social networking site.
I was just talking about it the other day with one of my best friends. We just concluded that we were perhaps amongst the last few left from our generation who haven't got married nor given birth and who basically running around in search for adventures and fun. A couple of days later she called me in complete shock to announce her younger sister is pregnant... I think I was even more shocked. The reason behind our shocked reaction is that it's happening closer and closer to home. At first, children springing around wouldn't really affect me as they were somehow far away in a different universe - friends and friends of friends that I didn't get too see nor speak to very often. I guess that if I am completely honest with myself, I have even developed a sort of rejection towards these friends, keeping contact to a minimum. I mean, don't get me wrong, they are still my friends and I love them dearly, but as soon as children were involved, I was kind of stepping out on the back door. But as time takes its toll, more of my very close friends are getting ready for or enjoying parenthood making it more and more difficult for me to run away and hide from the evidence.
Pregnancies closer to base are haunting me these days. It is a cruel reminder of the fact that I am no longer a youngster, hell I ain't even in my late twenties no more. I should have bred long time ago according to Mother Nature. But all I am thinking about is how to avoid reality, how to keep myself busy with all sorts of other things like doing charity treks and fantasising about becoming a writer, or at least a peace activist. It saddens me to realize that time is passing and not only my head is full of grey hair (thankfully, skillfully died) but I am no longer young at heart. I am utterly exhausted of putting up a fight.
And the final blow came from my own mother today who, despite the fact that she's always been supportive and never questioned my lifestyle choices, suddenly asked me why I am not settling down, why am I not looking into having a baby, having a family, do what NORMAL people do!!! It hurt more than I expected because I didn't expect my own mother to give in to the pressure...
I mean, who is there to say what people should do with their lives? Who is that superior instance to say we should all get married and breed? We are human, not animals. We defy the laws of nature and do all kinds of un-natural things. Why living as a late-teenager in one's 30s is suddenly a crime?? Is it really wrong of me to wanting to do other things with my life?...
All through my 20s I had the feeling of running out of time, still too young to understand that not everyone has to be set on the goal of achieving a husband, a family, buy a house, get a dog etc.
Since then, I have spent a great deal of effort into convincing myself that it's ok not to have all that and we can still have perfectly fulfilled lives even when we're 31, single and childless. And then suddenly, I am bombarded from everywhere with this pressure again...
I hear around me things such as "You're not young anymore, you should be happy with what you get etc etc." My blood is boiling. I try to be calm and find out what is it that really makes me so upset? Is it the fact that maybe I do want to have a family but fail to admit it to myself, that perhaps I was designed to do something else and the rest of the world doesn't understand me or that I may be actually going trough a quarter life crisis and I really need to find out what is it that I REALLY WANT...?
One thing I know for certain is what I DON'T want: I don't want to live an amputated life just because everyone else says so.
Sometimes things are just said though. Fortunately, my mother loves me enough to grant me that I may just not be like other kids and take me for what I am. I was HER choice, after all!...
Jools,imi pare rau ca treci prin asta..presiunea sociala e frustranta, iar automatismele in care am crescut nu ne fac decat rau. Scapa de ele cat poti de repede! Daca te ajuta cumva, you're not the only one, jumatea din femei se confrunta cu asta, se fac carti, filme(mai ales comedii!)..iar o prietena de-a noastra comuna mai nou, face sondaje, sa afle de ce fac oamenii copii, de ce simt ei sa faca lucrul asta...iar rezultatulu sondajului nu a convins-o deloc ca ar putea sa faca pasul asta..din contra, a dezamagit-o! Si mama ta, si a mea ne vor binele, dar te rog nu intra in capcana tampita de a face sau dori lucruri care ii fac pe altii fericiti, multumiti... Tata mi-a atras atentia ca nu mi-am facut datoria fata de societate, daca iti imiaginezi..adica toata societatea asteapta un urmas care sa poata plati pensia parintilor! Sunt sigura ca vei descoperi la momentul potrivit ce iti doresti cu adevarat, nu te mai incarca cu presiunea celor dragi, cu presiunea timpului, crede-ma nu te ajuta cu nimic, doar te frustreaza..Vezi-ti de drumul tau, care nu e deloc gresit!
ReplyDeleteHuuuuugs!
Nu m-as stresa asa de tare din cauza celor din jurul meu si a vietii lor care pare altfel (mai frumoasa, mai implinita?!) decat a mea/ta. Aparentele inseala, sunt sigura ca printre mamicile acelea cel putin una si-ar dori sa faca schimb cu tine, daca ar mai putea (chiar daca nu ar recunoaste niciodata). Si asta pentru ca multi dintre noi cedam cel mai usor presiunii sociale, atunci cand e vorba de "facut copii" - dupa parerea mea. Eu sunt maritata, dar nu pentru ca imi doream (dimpotriva, chiar am zis la un moment dat ca nu ma mai marit niciodata, dar s-a intamplat sa ma indragostesc si..asta a fost). Dar nu m-am maritat pentru ca asa a trebuit. Si, prin urmare, gestul asta nu il regret, caci imi e chiar foarte bine. Dar copii - desi am aproape 38 de ani - nu "simt" ca vreau. Si in ciuda a ce isi doresc parintii si ne tot spun ca vor pentru noi - nu ma stresez. Si avem si noi o multime de prieteni cu copii. Posibil ca noi sa nu avem insa deloc. Si ne place viata noastra de acum, oricat de egoist ar suna - nu vrem sa o schimbam cu o alta. Posibil sa vrem la un (alt) moment dat. Si daca o sa se mai poata, o sa facem/adoptam un copil. Daca nu, o sa vedem.
ReplyDeleteDaca te simti stresata sau neimplinita, posibil insa sa nu fie doar din cauza presiunilor sociale/externe. Incearca sa vezi daca esti chiar sincera cu tine si cu ce iti doresti TU insati de la viata ta de acum. Si, daca te distantezi un pic de parerile altora, poate o sa vezi chiar ca, de fapt, ai o viata chiar frumoasa si mult mai interesanta decat credeai chiar tu :)
Pai tocmai ca eu ma simt foarte bine asa cum sunt :) Sunt in control asupra vietii mele si a deciziilor pe care le iau. Ma irita insa ca inca se gasesc voci sa ma admonesteze, oameni are vor sa-mi puna pirostriile samd.
ReplyDeletePoate a usor egoist ceea ce-mi doresc dar inainte de toate simt ca am o datorie fata de mine!
Deh, de luptat cu presiunile sociale, trebuie sa luptam. Doar asa se pot schimba mentalitatile...
Va multumesc ca mi-ati confirmat parerea :)
Pupici!xxx