You are here and this is now

One of my favourite books is "Life is elsewhere" by Milan Kundera. I love many authors and I hold many books dear, but Kundera has a really special place in my heart. There's something effortlessly elaborate about his digressions, about the way he not only raises important life questions, but it does it in a way that is neither simplistic nor too precious.
I felt attracted by "Life is elsewhere" straight from the title, almost as in a Jerry Maguire "You had me from hello" kind of way. Because the moment I saw that book I understood what was it that effectively drove me across Europe, what was it that made my decisions for me and what was it that made me see life in a blur when I could have seen it crystal clear from the very beginning. It was the fact that I have always believed that life was elsewhere...

When I was around 20 years old I invented this notion called "Authentic Moments". I realized back then that not all moments in life have the same intensity. Most of our days are dull and uninteresting but sometimes, when everything is right, when all the characters and the settings are aligned, when the planets are coordinated in such a way that you happen to be in the middle of it, right there and then, the moments become full of meaning, intense, there's a sense of plenitude and happines about those moments and they become authentic. I was quite proud of myself for having realized that and after reading a lot more since, I also realized that my idea of authenticity is not entirely new, it relates to the Existential Truth, the Idea, the pure notion of what life stands for, that is to be found in many philosophies and spiritualities.

The way this discovery has influenced my life is not without significance. From the day I reached this conclusion, I have set myself high standards: I expected my life to be as full of Authentic Moments as possible and I would get easily disapointed if that wouldn't happen. I started blaming my country and have decided, without a trace of regret, that life (with her plethora of authentic moments) was definitely elsewhere. And I set off looking for it. And the journey lasted for 7 years. It may very well be a magic number as, once the 7 years passed, I felt the pressure lifted off my shoulders and suddenly (perhaps suddenly, but surely not out of the blue, as I started reading and studying a lot about balance and inner peace quite a while ago) I realized I have been looking for life in the wrong place.

Life is here and now and it's not going off anywhere else. I won't find it on an exotic island more that I can find it right here in (windy these days) London. Life is always with me, wherever I go. It's not going away and it's not staying behind. It is with me all the time and by realizing that, I finally started living.

No wonder I was torn between going home and coming back to London without a resolution. I have always expected something to happen at home and put my mind at ease as much as I eagerly awaited the return to London in the hope that this time something great and magnificent was going to happen for me... The good news is: it doesn't matter. I can be anywhere in the world and life wouldn't be elsewhere - it would be with me.

And to prove that I mean every single word I am writing, is that, probably for the first time ever, I am not complaining about the London weather and I don't feel that I want to spend every day off in a different country, with different people, under different auspices. I am staying at home, quietly, with no pre-plans for the week-end and absolutely enjoying every minute of it! And my life has as many Authentic Moments as I want it to have, I can make myself as happy as I want and I am more excited about being alive and doing mundane things than I probably ever was. I can watch a romantic movie feeling warm and fuzzy inside instead of cynically thinking "that is never going to happen to me" and really looking forward to spend half a day tomorrow in a cafe all by myself with a large latte and a book of Spanish grammar. Life couldn't be closer than here and now!