It's Friday night and London's been blessed with amazing sunny days. On an amazingly warm Friday night, one would just about look forward to the end of the working day to hit the nearest pub and have late night with friends or workmates.
I must admit that I felt terribly inclined to do the same. Despite the tiredness of the past week (packing, moving, cleaning and, oh, on top of that, working!), I fancied the idea of going out drinking this Friday night and carry on with an activity that has since long become a habit or perhaps even a lifestyle. When I realized that feeling the need to go drinking, getting attention and messing about has become something of a necessity, I decided it was time for detox. That's right, a Friday night in all by myself, watching TV, writing or even dinking a cider, while writing in front of the TV, nevermind; reflecting upon all the things that make me feel needy, and insecure, and unstable and jumpy, and incosistent. I decided it was time to lock myself up and try to exorcize all the demons that have haunted me lately, get a bit of hold on myself and regain control upon my actions and feelings.
I still feel that I want to be out there, bantering with people I know or total strangers, be flirty and outrageous and do things I will surely regret the next day. So what if I have one too many drinks? - it's Friday! But tonight, I'm staying in! I am not sure I don't want to be out there, but I am sure I must do something about mental integrity. Changing job, moving house, hasn't been quite easy on me and I felt really restless and highly insecure. Drinking hasn't helped in the least. I am taking the mature way out of insecurity and try again. I hope to emerge stronger. I have no choice...
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