Random thoughts

I carry this little black book with me everywhere. I am trying to write all sorts of observations on it whenever something strikes me in an attempt to make sense of the world afterwards (when I have the time supposedly, though I've learned you never HAVE the time).
Went through it earlier and here's what came up:

"Had a panic attack in Piccadilly Circus today - I don't want to be here" - that was just before I started a new job.

"Stuck in the middle" - that came out when I realized that I am neither a complete woman of the world satisfied with just being social nor an artist living in another dimension, therefore, stuck in the middle, never reaching a goal in one world or the other...

"Must remember the other idea I had as I was going out of the tube this morning" - I never did. I still wonder what that was, it seems it was quite a big idea, but clearly not very impactful.

"Am I the Wrong Type" - already asked some people for feedback and got no answer. Concluded I don't care and they are dickheads.

"Would I have done things differently" (Night train from Lisbon, the book I was reading inspired me) - answer: absolutely not, I am entirely perfectly happy with the choices I made in life. Though I haven't reached my ultimate goal, I know for a fact I am on the right path. I may have chosen the most difficult one, but that's why I am a Capricorn.

"Big Book about Helen of Troy" - yeah, what is that anyway? Someone in the tube was reading a huge book (the size of a dictionary) called Helen of Troy. Why would anyone write so much about Helen of Troy? She was just the reason to start a war, no personality whatsoever.

"A former relationship diminishes is time. All you feel like saying is just: it didn't work out." I remember the times when I felt I had to explain why. Not anymore.

"Today I followed a pregnant woman at Liverpool Street station" - sometimes I follow people around. She was beautiful, amazing, like a riped fruit, wrapped in a geometric print maxi dress. I followed her around thinking how happy she looked. I wanted to steal that feeling from her and absorb it myself. Like Grenoiulle of Suskind's Perfume, find a way to capture that inner happiness she was trailing behind her. Some people may now think I totally lost my mind.

"The most boring Big Brother. I actually liked it."

"Obsessing about the past. Fear of history repeating!" - I still do it.

"Victoria Beckham lives in airports"

"I refuse to be a victim!"

"Breaking-up season"

" Helen was trying to compensate her hectic lifestyle with a compulsive cleaning disorder" - a story about a crazy woman called Helen told by my new friend K., I find this idea fascinating.

"Relationship success - apply the rules!"

"Don't overlook the signs (trust them). Don't trust words" - don't remember what I had in mind when I wrote that but anyway it seems to be true for any given situation.

"You can't avoid change. It's better to embrance it that reject it."

"Must not blame ourselves when things go wrong. Sometimes we try our best and still fail. There are things in life beyond our control. It's just how it is. All we need to do is pick up the pieces keep on walking. Look only in the eyes of the future" - no comment...