I guess it's happening. I have been thinking about it for a long time and couldn't really grasp what the problem was... Now I know. I am joining a whole new age group.
What are the changes?... Well, I started jogging again, I almost quit smoking (I only smoke when going out), I am not going out as much anymore, I don't drink that much or that often anymore, I am becoming simply more conscious. I realized that I must look good and feel good about myself. It is all I got left as I am no longer irresponsibly young. My fantasies about decadence are slowly fading away. I suppose the only way to live the life you never could have had is by writing about it.
Joining a new age group and getting admitted into a whole new category is pretty scary at first. I suffered a lot when I realized I was no longer a child and it took me quite a while to embrace the teenage years. When in my early 20s I realized that I was becoming a mature person, it scared me and pleased me in the same time. I was still young enough to be irresponsible and yet mature enough to do things without asking for parental permission.
Until recently, at the dawn of my third decade on this planet, I felt I was running out of time, I felt I haven't achieved things I was supposed to, I felt I ought to have found my soul mate etc. as if I was given a deadline in order to reach certain things. Now I feel relieved. The closer I get to 30, the more I realize that it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I have grown and transformed into the new age group I am ready to enter. I am calmer, wiser, more spiritual, I have more patience and now I know what I want to achieve. My 20s were such a complicated quest for what I really wanted. Now all is left is doing what I want, after finally deciding on it.
It is a time for change and I am embracing it.
No comments:
Post a Comment