And you call yourself a writer

I used to ask myself this questions numbers of times. I used to doubt myself more often that I used to trust myself. I have always wanted to do things, be things, but would always kind of push it somewhere aside. Procrastitation was my middle name.
But guess what - now I can call myself a writer! Because I will get published. Don't get too excited,nothing fancy. Just a boring healthcare article in a Journal about to be published. But yes, this journal will be published and people will read it and yes somewhere in a corner there will be my name.
I have decided a few weeks ago to stop procrastinating. Just like that. Just do it!
I am definitely up to a few more projects, but there is a slight superstitious side of me that wouldn't like to talk about it until there's something to say.
In the meantime, at least I can call myself a writer.

Why don't you settle down?...

Funny how slowly all your Facebook friends are starting to sport pictures of their children as they profile photo. Before you know it, you're the only adult left on what seems to become a kindergarten social networking site.

I was just talking about it the other day with one of my best friends. We just concluded that we were perhaps amongst the last few left from our generation who haven't got married nor given birth and who basically running around in search for adventures and fun. A couple of days later she called me in complete shock to announce her younger sister is pregnant... I think I was even more shocked. The reason behind our shocked reaction is that it's happening closer and closer to home. At first, children springing around wouldn't really affect me as they were somehow far away in a different universe - friends and friends of friends that I didn't get too see nor speak to very often. I guess that if I am completely honest with myself, I have even developed a sort of rejection towards these friends, keeping contact to a minimum. I mean, don't get me wrong, they are still my friends and I love them dearly, but as soon as children were involved, I was kind of stepping out on the back door. But as time takes its toll, more of my very close friends are getting ready for or enjoying parenthood making it more and more difficult for me to run away and hide from the evidence.

Pregnancies closer to base are haunting me these days. It is a cruel reminder of the fact that I am no longer a youngster, hell I ain't even in my late twenties no more. I should have bred long time ago according to Mother Nature. But all I am thinking about is how to avoid reality, how to keep myself busy with all sorts of other things like doing charity treks and fantasising about becoming a writer, or at least a peace activist. It saddens me to realize that time is passing and not only my head is full of grey hair (thankfully, skillfully died) but I am no longer young at heart. I am utterly exhausted of putting up a fight.

And the final blow came from my own mother today who, despite the fact that she's always been supportive and never questioned my lifestyle choices, suddenly asked me why I am not settling down, why am I not looking into having a baby, having a family, do what NORMAL people do!!! It hurt more than I expected because I didn't expect my own mother to give in to the pressure...

I mean, who is there to say what people should do with their lives? Who is that superior instance to say we should all get married and breed? We are human, not animals. We defy the laws of nature and do all kinds of un-natural things. Why living as a late-teenager in one's 30s is suddenly a crime?? Is it really wrong of me to wanting to do other things with my life?...
All through my 20s I had the feeling of running out of time, still too young to understand that not everyone has to be set on the goal of achieving a husband, a family, buy a house, get a dog etc.
Since then, I have spent a great deal of effort into convincing myself that it's ok not to have all that and we can still have perfectly fulfilled lives even when we're 31, single and childless. And then suddenly, I am bombarded from everywhere with this pressure again...
I hear around me things such as "You're not young anymore, you should be happy with what you get etc etc." My blood is boiling. I try to be calm and find out what is it that really makes me so upset? Is it the fact that maybe I do want to have a family but fail to admit it to myself, that perhaps I was designed to do something else and the rest of the world doesn't understand me or that I may be actually going trough a quarter life crisis and I really need to find out what is it that I REALLY WANT...?

One thing I know for certain is what I DON'T want: I don't want to live an amputated life just because everyone else says so.

Sometimes things are just said though. Fortunately, my mother loves me enough to grant me that I may just not be like other kids and take me for what I am. I was HER choice, after all!...

The charity 'business'

Back for already over two weeks from my charity trekking and yet my efforts are not over. I didn't realize how much vital energy this has taken from me - mind you I needed almost a week only to be able to phisicaly recover. Once I started to feel like a normal person again,I realized that I still needed lots of energy to carry on fundraising.

Despite having received lots of donations from many generous hearts and despite having contributed myself a great deal already, I am still to achieve my target. I am extremely proud and grateful to all my contributors for having reached 73% of my target up to date, considering I have not received any corporate sponsorship (although I was expecting some initially...), but unfortunately my fight is not over.

I must confess I feel drained. I feel drained from reminding people about it and from having to explain myself all the time what is it that I am doing, what is it that I am trying to achieve...

I have a distinct impression that people have mixed feelings regarding charity work and why shouldn't they?... After all, what is charity but a business in itself?...

People feel robbed by the fact that some of the money that are being donated end up paying for the charity workers' salaries. Or, as in my case, paying for some of the expenses of my trip... In fact this is true, but isn't it as true that without the effort of these people, things wouldn't happen...

How can you turn the £5 you have donated into a month's fresh water supply for a village in Africa without the system that has been put in place by a bunch of enthusiastic people working for a charity? And after all, we all agree that they have to make a living too... Oh, wouldn't we all want to help the less fortunate, not pay any rent, not need to spend any money, feel good and generous and rich both spiritually and financially? But the reality as we all know it, plays by different rules. The truth is that if we want things to do happen, some investments need to be made.

It is true that I did the trek to Ethiopia because I wanted to. I could have paid for my trip, go there and come back without the hassle of raising money, which I must admit has been 10 times more exhausting than the trek istelf. But I chose the hard way because I felt that something had to be done, that I had to do something. And it's because other 9 people have decided to do the same that the charity we are supporting has raised enough money to implement a few very important projects in Africa. A small and dedicated charity that doesn't flaunt children pictures or panda bears, but does its job. As non-glamorous as this may sound, it saves hundreds of lives every year.

So let me just conclude with this: if it wasn't for the 'business' of charity and for the few crazy people ready to go through difficult tasks to raise the money, very few things would be achieved. So if you feel you may have misjudged the charity sector or simply feel generous, I am still taking donations on Just Giving so, click here to donate.