Giving in to January

January is named after the god Janus, who is usually depicted with two faces looking in opposite directions – one into the future and one into the past. This unique viewpoint makes January a great time for learning lessons from your past and applying them to the future (The Independent).

So here I am looking forth and looking back... With a little bit less confusion than in previous years but confused nevertheless...

Not sure what exactly is the problem with January but I feel like I've been poisoined: with ill humour, bad temper, annoyance, loneliness (oh, loneliness, old friend, you found me again!), insomnia, tiredness, depression (could it be?),  boredom...

I'm asking myself again the questions: why am I alone, am I in the right career, what do I really want out of life, where is this all going, why, when, what for, why not??

All these questions. I feel like I have to find an answer right here and right now, make decisions, change things, do, don't do,  punish myself, push myself!... Just to end up exhausted and more confused.

It's not the first January I have to go through. Yeah, they're terrible little bastards: cold, miserable, skint, dark.
And because I've been through it before, I always try to avoid feeling like I'm feeling now and yet every year I end up in the same place. Because maybe that's the point of January. You can't be looking back and looking forth without a bit of a headache, I suppose. It's gotta be done! Just accept it, don't struggle, lie around if you must, watch soapy films, eat frozen pizza, get a bit annoyed, feel a tiny wee miserable and then get it over with! As long as you accept it for what it is and don't try to get all the resolutions sorted within the first month (like myself: joined tango course, joined Portuguese course, sorted out ski trip, planning Argentina trip, sorting out my papers for permanent residency, training for half-marathon etc etc) then it's going to be ok. Not everything has to be achieved straight away.

I've got a whole year ahead of me and I've survived many Januaries before. It will be spring before we know it!