Life in a date free world

Life in a date free world is better than I ever thought it would be. It's almost as if, as often New Age philosophy claims, when you stop resisting a certain situation, the very same thing that frustrated you in the past, just disolves before your eyes.

I don't remember the last time I felt so carefree and so pleased with my life. Having no romantic expectations whatsoever definitely really pays off. No more a la Bridget Jones nightmares in the middle of the night of me as an old spinster, devoured by Alsacians.

I hardly ever check my phone anymore because, hey, there's no guy I am anxiously waiting for a text from, I have time for my friends, I don't do hangovers and I am enjoying my Power Plates sessions more than I used to enjoy a good Mojito and a cigarette on a hot summer night. It's pure bliss.

In fact, I do believe that things happen in a certain way to stear our mentality onto the right direction and perhaps I did have to reach dating bottom to finally get to this conclusion: that nobody can ever give you what you can't give yourself!

I find it increasingly interesting though how many people are fighting the same demons. I thought I may well be the only unlucky girl in the world that has to go through awful romantic situations while the world around me rejoices in honeymoons, houses in the country and dogs, children with embarassing names and plump cheeks, engagement rings and Facebook relationship status updates. But it turns out that there are many like me. Some still trying hard until it kills them, others accepting their shelf life, other just publicly laughing about it on Bad Date.com. Even Stylist featured a few pieces on the subject, sign that it is indeed becoming a generalised issue and, perhaps unfortunately, a bit of a norm...

I recently came across this hilarious blog of a really cool girl who is writing about her internet dating experiences. Check it out, it's brilliant: The Racontourist!
I must say I admire her enthusiasm but it may very well be due to the fact that she is still only 25. I am on my way to become a 32 year old with a toned bottom and a bag full of 'I can't be bothered anymore'. That is because I really can't be. I've done it already, I embraced the possibilities of Internet dating, pub flirting, club pulling, I tried every weapon in my arsenal until I ran out of amunition. And you know what, I am truly glad I did. So I can spend my time on better things!

Like going to the gym and taking pleasure in it rather for than doing it because it will make me look better for others (it's because I want to like myself!), looking in the mirror and not seeing myself as someone who has failed to comply with the rules of society but as someone who has succeeded in surpassing them, enjoying every day come rain or shine, and being able to look at a handsome guy and think 'So what!'

Can't get better than that? ;)

Why not colour?

I have a problem with colour. Or to be more precise with the lack of it...

Despite the growing trend of bold colours in fashion this year, I still sense some kind of apathy in people when it comes to embracing colour in their everyday look. I remember noticing one day at work that there were a few people in the kitchen all wearing black from head to toes, including myself. I found that depressing. Why is it that people find no courage in introducing colour in their wardrobes, that they always play it safe? It's boring... Just look around on the tube and count how many people are wearing colourful clothes. Look in your own closet and take out all the coloured items you have. Let me guess: not many...

Why is that? Well, for one - and this is one of the most frustrating thing - colour is not readily available. High street brands have a remarkable tendency to only market a limited set of colours each season, with grey and black being promoted almost exclusively by popular brands such as All Saints. I am also one of those people who are a bit obstinate against wearing uber fashionable items (including colours) as I have an egoistic intention of distinguishing myself a bit from what's too 'in', so I generally avoid the hype colour of the season, unless it's a neutral. Sometimes I give in though, especially if it's an item of clothing/colour I've always loved and which becomes popular and available to buy. I wish I could make my own clothes though... It would make my life so much easier.

Anyway, going back to colour. It's widely known that each colour of the spectrum has a certain psychological association, meaning, feeling about it. For instance blue has been know to have a calming and cooling effect and aid intuition, green is the symbol of renewal and harmony, yellow symbolises optimism, orange stands for happiness and social interaction, purple is a deeeply spiritual colour and red stands for life, energy, enthusiasm etc. We are all different people and we all have a different message for the world around us but I wonder why do we all keep choosing to say the same thing over and over again? Black, grey, brown, black, white, black, black, black, grey, brown...

In a world where colour is abundant (nature is known to have a magnificent display), we, busy people of the 21st century, still shy away from it...

But perhaps in the human world, when it comes to colour, it's like everything in life. Some people prefer a background role and they tend to pick neutrals to camouflage themselves in the environment, while others are not afraid to show off a bit, like Christina Hendricks in Mad Men. I am not sure which one of them I am... Colour still quite scares me... All these years of living in the background I guess...

Dating myself

I am one of those people who's been on lots of dates. Most of them bad dates. As dates tend to be. Bad...

I am aware that the planet is full of individuals that never had to go through the 'experience' (it's a word I decided to use after intense deliberation) of dating: people who through some kind of miracle meet people without having to date, or link one relationship to another seamlessly and effortlessly as if it's the world's easiest thing to do. I've not been one of these lucky people. I've always felt like I had to struggle to get into a relationship. As if I had a bloody civic duty to make it happen...

Ever since I became old enough to be interested in boys, I got it into my head that I wasn't attractive enough so I had to make myself more appealing. This slowly developed into a habitual reaction of over-functioning in the presence of a man I was interested in and brought along rejection. And with every rejection I tried even harder. I've been a prisoner of a vicious circle I have been working hard at creating myself for years.

Countless bad dates and the same empty feeling later, until one day when it all became simple and clear due to the world's worst hangover.

It all culminated with the date where the guy took me to a strip club, suggested renting a hotel room and, after I refused, told me I've got issues. And that was just after the guy who didn't bother to let me know he didn't feel the spark. And he followed the guy who interviewed me at Starbucks over a mug of peppermint tea and concluded the date by telling me he would have a think and let me know. And then there were the no showers, the late cancellers, the 'let's just say I'm not having the best night of my life 'guys and of course the time wasters.

But I took it all in with a smile on my face and just tried again, with boundless enthusiasm. Until the most recent fiasco which was followed by an intense and unbearable hangover. That hangover must have been a divine intervention as it sort of brought me back to reality. The moment I managed to sleep off that horrendous feeling, I decided I will no longer date anyone but myself. Simply because time spent with myself it's always time well spent and because I seem to be the only one who treats me the way I deserve. And since so far dating hasn't brought me anything but hangovers and a general feeling of self loathing, I put together an emergency recovery plan which includes weekly alcohol intake counting, regular exercising and healthy eating.

I've been doing that for almost two weeks now and it's been great. My general well being has improved dramatically and no longer feel the need to try too hard. I no longer feel the need to try at all. Dating myself is really easy, I have nothing to prove: I already know how great I am!