Autumn smells of irreversible change

I don't know when this summer has gone? I don't even know when September has gone...

All I know is that the air is getting crispy and, should it not rain, it is actually nice and refreshing. I like wearing woolly scarfs and big knits and smell the spicy air that suddenly reminds me of the change in seasons.

I always associate autumn with nostalgia and this season nostalgia is even more poignant. I realised that my life as I knew it until now has gone... Even when I compare my life now with how it looked merely a year ago, I am amazed by how different it is...

I used to take things lightly and lived only for nights out. These days I am worn out, I work a lot more and go out a lot less.

I do less with my week-ends and many of my friends are not accessible anymore.

Last year my family was still the same way I left it, this year we are one member short - my uncle passed away.

Most of the people I know are settling down or going away. I haven't yet managed to settle down nor went away.

I live in a different house than last year, but surprinsingly, I have the same haircut as I had around the same time last year.

I am finding it hard to say goodbye to my old perspective on life, but it seems that I can't fight the change. It is taking over...

Last year I found it difficult to spend a week-end without something to do or somewhere to go. This year I spend most of my free time alone, going to the cinema, window shopping or daydreaming by a mug of cappuccino. Not sure if it's necessarily a good thing, but I am getting accustomed to being by myself most of the time.

Last year I didn't think about Christmas, now I dread it. Unless I'll be home for Christmas, which is a question of snow and airport authorities.

Perhaps I learnt to let go since last year. I learnt to be a bit more patient and let things happen. I also learnt that I can't spend my life complaining.

The only thing that seems to stay the same year after year is the fact that I am by myself. With my only real love in life so far: my books...

(Which reminds me, I had a sad revelation on the tube the other day when I saw an ad for one of the E-books which said: "Think about the book you want to read and read it"... A book that it's only a touch of a button away...Not only that the pleasure of holding a real book might soon become history, but the idea that you can read any book you want at any time, appauls me. Where is the pleasure of going out there and get a book? Searching through the hundreds of used Amazon books and waiting for the postman to bring you the book you so wanted. Or spending hours in Waterstones marvelling at the books that look at you with a life of their own, feeling like a kid in the candy store...)

It smells of wet leafs and Lemsip. But I can't complain. I had a good year.

Perhaps change is not such a bad thing after all.