Split friends

It's a new expression Kenny and I came up with recently. Like split ends, but with friends. Those friends that 'split' over time and who you need to cut out of your life.

Of course, it's a natural process and not even a sad one. Aren't we all just passangers, we hop on and off stations in life? Sometimes we can be friends with people that happen to be in our lives at a certain stage in life and we must let them go when the time comes. Nothing wrong with it. People accept this natural process without thinking. There aren't many main characters in one's life, the vast majority of people surrounding us are extras and secondary actors.

With split friends though, it's never easy. They always like to remind you how much they've done for you during your so called friendship and how much you still owe them. You can't just cut them off - you really have to struggle. They will keep coming back to your life and ask for their money back. As if friendship is something you can measure.

People have different ways of showing friendship and that's basically what it's all about. The meaning of friendship is that is represents a selfless relationship between two people that feel affection towards eachother and share common beliefs, attitudes, styles and opinions. The moment someone puts a price of friendship they split!

I used to fall into the trap of split friends and tried to make a mental list of things that I had also done for them, until I realised that it is absolutely besides the point. All you really have to do with split friends is take a big scary scissors and cut them off!

I take it back...

I sometimes get carried away with writing about something that's on my mind at a certain moment in time. It takes a certain combination of circumstances to make me reach one conclusion or another. After writing my last post, I got to thinking about it... And I realised I got it all wrong...

I got it all wrong when passing judgements about one kind of man or another because the only one who thinks that is... ME. Yes me, I am making this a reality in my own mind.

At the end of the day, the 'didn't feel a spark' guy is probably right. What's the point of wasting one's energy? If there ain't, then there ain't. I somehow always believed that there should be some courtesy between daters. I've always thought about things too much, decided to give people chances just because they seemed nice and that maybe the spark would come later etc etc. And things ended up with me placing them in the first category and not understanding why the second category was acting the way they did. So I kind of want to take it back. There is no such thing as categories of men, there are only bad decisions...

'I didn't feel a spark'

My recent dating experience revealed that there are usually two types of men you are more likely to encounter: those you can't get rid of and those who 'don't feel there is a spark'.

Those you can't get rid of have been quite blessed by nature with the ability to observe just quite how much of a gem you are, what amazing woman just landed in their back yard, how talented and how cool you are, and by associating themselves with you, they hope that some of that 'coolness' will rub on. They are of course intelligent men with a lot of common sense, however, they lack that manly energy that any woman of any kind find irrestible and attractive. They bear no mistery and would do anything they are told. They do not know how to crack a flirtatious joke and they possibly have a slightly lower self esteem than their counterparts. Their fashion sense does not excel but they somehow manage to put on a decent outfit a woman would be inclined to ignore if unable to admire. They can be bearable for a while, until they become exasperating. Eventually, they will have to be let go and do some work on themselves.

The 'I didn't feel a spark' type are even worse. They are usually tall and well built, good looking lads with strong genes. Not necessarily extremely cultured, but quite performant when it comes to body building. Inclined to listen to the instinct of natural selection, the woman would be willing to close her eyes to a flaw or two as long as they act decent and they make her feel desireable. But surprisingly (or maybe not!) these kind of males do not know how to make themselves pleasant. They go by the rule: 'If she ain't perfect, why bother!' and - possibly - feel minimised and emasculated by the woman's intelligence and wit. They always prefer the back door at the end of a date and never ever get back to you after the date is consumated. When prompted, they have the barely minimal decency to reply 'I didn't feel there was a spark'... In these circumstances, some women may feel inclined to carry a box of matches or a Zippo lighter in their purses in an extra effort to bring a spark to a date. It seems that it is not enough for the woman to be reasonably pretty and proportioned, funny and charismatic throughout, always ready with a joke and an adventure story because the 'I didn't feel there was a spark' guy needs a bloody bonfire.

Or at least these are the results of a few months' survey, concluding that rather than going on a date, a woman is better off with a good book and a bottle of Shiraz! Resigned with the thought that clearly there aren't many men who have been endowed with charm, good looks, intelligence and common sense all at the same time, she is better off staying away from the dating jungle for a while. At least until that exceptional person (if he does exist) finds his own way into her life.

I heart London

'If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.'
Henry David Thoreau

It is not for me to judge what happened. Don’t get me wrong, I do judge the people that provoked this abominable destruction - their acts are profoundly immoral and unacceptable in ANY society - but I do not feel entitled to propose a theory regarding why they did what they did.

Some say it’s pure vandalism, some say it’s because the looters come from underprivileged background, some say we should blame the Government for closing their eyes to an ever growing social problem, some say it’s the lack of proper parenting and education or even human rights abuse. Whatever it is, it happened and it did teach all of us a few lessons.

When I first came to London, I was overwhelmed by its diversity. I found it almost scary back then and it took me many years to grasp the fact that despite its apparent heterogeneity, London has a huge soul shared by the millions who chose to live here, in probably the most amazing city in the world. Despite the tragedy we all experienced in the last few days, Londoners came together to stand up to the revolting, senseless riots and looting, cleaning up our streets and standing together to protect the city we deeply love and respect. We all backed up our Police officers in an effort to put a stop to what seemed to get out of rational control and people like the old woman telling the looters off outside Debenhams in Clapham or the Turkish men in Dalston fighting the looters away to protect their shops really brings back the faith in the humankind. I saw hundreds of messages on the Malaysian student Ashraf Haziq, who got robbed when injured, Twitter page: #getwetllsoonashrafhaziq.

And that really means a lot. It means that together, any wrong can be turned into good.

It is not my place to say what needs to be done. There is a lot to be done by the Government and we should make sure this happens. We should all not let this lesson get by unlearned. We should do whatever we can, united, to keep the spirit of London alive. And as Mahatma Ghandi said: 'We must become the change we want to see.'

Last tango in Paris

The (in)famous Bertolucci, 1972, film with Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider.

The story without names. It's all about living the moment, really living it. No need for history and personal stories to take the mind away from the present. The history, the baggage is ignored, it has nothing to do with te liberating (or enslaving?!) power of nameless sex. When names are asked, guns are being shot. It's all about the mistery. Once the veil is lifted, reality doesn't match the fantasy.

I am obsessed with the soundtrack and can't stop thinking of Jeanne's outfits. It was 1972 and her yellow mini dress, her fur collar white coat and fedora hat are more timeless than ever. And so are all her other outfits. There's a sordid and yet alluring sexiness about this film. So very Paris, so very noir...

Exciting new designer: Zelia Horsely

I only came accross Zelia Horsely's jewellery when I was working on one of my styling assignments. I had a brochure from London Jewellery Week and started browsing through looking for inspiration. As expected, not many designs stood out for me - I am quite difficult to please when it comes to jewellery, I have a tendency to dismiss pieces that do not break some kind of rules and yet obey the rule of estethics - but when I saw Zelia's chain collar, I knew I'd stepped over a gold mine.

I instantly used it in my assignment - it was a mood board for one of my favourite characters, Elizabeth Bennet of 'Pride and Prejudice' - and decided to find out more about this exciting designer.

And what I found was to take my breath away. In all her unique pieces, Zelia manages to create a happy marriage between industrial and finesse, between bondage and femininity, between the ego and the alter ego. There is a dominatrix and a Lolita in each and every piece and every single one of them has a story to tell. I have a feeling Zelia has found a way to talking to the woman of today, the woman who increasingly needs to be all in one.

Bitesize Rome