Easter thoughts

I tried feeling miserable. I really tried. I tried looking at all the loved up couples having picnics in the park and feeling like the one left out. I tried thinking about how lonely I am and how it is Easter again. I tried looking in the mirror and noticing my wrinkles (they are there now, can't miss them even with my poor vision).
I really tried to feel miserable. I wanted to soak in my own misery and feel like the one girl who's never going to find love and happiness because sometimes it's just easy to feel like that. Sometimes it feels that putting on a brave face and constantly repeating positive mantras is just so energy draining. It feels that once in a while it's ok to feel like the ugly duckling and imagine a lifetime of loneliness because you simply can't see how the opposite will ever happen. But you know what - I couldn't! I just simply couldn't! Because feeling good about myself is simply not a difficult task. It's not something I have to force upon myself, but a state of just be. And being by myself is such a blessing that I sometimes look forward to.

In fact, because I do lead an extremely social life, I find myself yearning for some time alone. However, whenever I get it, I become restless and confused. But once the confusion dissipates, I embrace loneliness and just stay with it. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with the choices we make. It's nothing wrong to want to ditch a party for a night in and a glass of wine, nothing wrong with making mistakes because they are the one who turn you into who you are, nothing wrong with not being who everyone else expects you to be.

Somehow, no matter how much I want to just indulge in self pity, the reality is that this is just not going to happen.

Change of seasons

Spring has made an appearance quite early this year. It arrived with a plethora of colours and plenty of sunshine to already justify the floral prints and straw hats, the jugs of Pimm's and picnics in the park.
This feeling is suprising and refreshing as it feels like only yesterday we were all wearing black and grey and cursing the winter than didn't seem to want to leave.

I find myself these days looking at people on the street and realizing how much better everyone's outfits look. I for one definitely have far nicer summer clothes than winter clothes. For all I try, I can never really pull a jumper right. I am pretty heavy chested and jumpers will never look on me as they do on the catwalk. I also hate cold and will never be able to walk on the street in a remarkable outfit with an open coat and no scarf displaying some state of the art necklace as I risk freezing to death before arriving at my destination. Every winter I get rid of jumpers and buy new ones, always as bad as the ones before. And somehow the only ones I do like happen to be wool ones which inevitably end up shrinking in the washing machine as I have never been the kind of person who follows washing instructions on the label...

Anyway, happy spring is here. In fact so happy that I went on a shopping spree. I felt my wardrobe needed some colour, a yellow tee, a cream mac, a coral dress, a couple of jumpers (a size bigger so they don't make me look fat), definitely a pair of denim shorts (which I didn't buy yet), a couple of scarfs (I happen to have bought nine when in Ethiopia) and many many very important other things.
As it is to be expected, my wardrobe is bursting. I have so many clothes that sometimes I get upset I can't choose which one to wear...
As much as I became really good at not buying bags and shoes anymore, I am still a sucker for buying clothes...Not to mention I really must have the 'it' skirt of the season, the pleated skirt. In fact, if I remember well my mum still has pink one in her wardrobe which I might attempt to steal rather than ravaging through vintage shops...




I blame fashion. I blame fashion for coming up with new things every season that everybody must have. And yet all we do is coming back to old trends. I get rid of so many clothes only to regret having done so a few seasons later. I am honesty pissed off about that. I wish I can just wear the things in my wardrobe over and over again until they can't be worn anymore.
I blame myself for being so much into fashion. I am scrutinising men's outfits/shoes etc. and I can be easily turned off by a pair of unappropriate shoes... I can be also easily turned on by someone wearing a trendy outfit. I am such a fashion whore...

However, this may not be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I do like wearing nice clothes and I am into image. So I started a Profesional Styling Course which at least justifies my guilty pleasure. And who knows,maybe one day instead of spending money buying clothes for myself that I DO NOT need, I might be satisfying my thirst for fashion by dressing up other people.

For now, I like the change in seasons and will try to take it easy. After all, it's all last season's clothes anyway!...