The Nature speaks

Eyjafjallajokull sounds like a Scandinavian deity. Actually I have no idea how it sounds like but they way it's written makes me think of a God with mad eyebrows and a scary frown. The famous Icelandic volcano that put a stop to flying in the last few days makes me think of how sometimes Nature decides to show us who is really in charge on this planet.
We forget that flying planes is a luxury that allows millions of travellers to wander around the world and take over. Planes are to blame for the herds of post-hippie wannabe travellers that I so loathe, planes make globalisation possible and have brought the world into the crazed pace that has finally been stopped if only for a few days. I feel sorry for all the people stranded somewehere in the world, maybe in a place they want to leave behind as soon as possible or maybe in a place where they had a wonderful time but is no longer welcoming. Everyone is trying to get somewhere simply because it is possible. If flying wasn't an option I wonder if we didn't prioritize our lives differently, if we tought it would be that easy to leave everything behind and just leave somewhere, anywhere...
The way the world is structured today it makes it impossible to live without planes, internet and mobile phones. It makes you wonder what would really happen if we didn't have them anymore. Would we still manage, would we be more creative, more attentive to the world around us? It may be that it is all about the journey and not the destination...

The real New Me

I find myself in a New ME. I don't know when it exactly happened and I don't know why but all I can think about is that I am most grateful that I have finally put on the methaporical clothes of the New ME.

It is a New ME, but it's the newest of them all. I've had many New MEs especially lately and each and every one of them added new layers of good to my aura and scrapped away little by little the residues of sadness, shame, cowardice, disappointment, tears, fear and insecurity. Every New Me smoothed the path to the Newest ME, the one I am today.

The ME I am today suddenly feels that she no longer has needs and expectations from other people or from the outside world, but she makes things happen. She finally understands that unless she knows herself and accepts herself with all the wonderful things that are within, along with all the shameful and regrettable things that belong to her as well, she will never be able to truly love and enjoy life. She feels full of forgiveness and understanding. She feels sure of what she knows and no longer afraid. She knows that life is purely what you make of it and she wants to make it a blessing. She wakes up in the morning being grateful for her health and her luck and walks away thinking of how to make things better.

The New ME is no longer suffering and sees things with an incredible clarity. She is not afraid of not meeting the right person because she is perfectly equipped with recognizing him. The New Me is happy with the little things in life and trusts that her destiny will be fulfilled at the right time and knows that things in life sooner or later fall into place. I like the New ME.

Looking for the exotic

The famous "Beach". When I saw this movie back when it was first released, I didn't even dream there will be a day I'd actually be stepping with my own feet on that white sand and actually be in that exotic world that seemed as far away as if almost on another planet.

But truth be told, the exotic IS on another planet.The Exotic has always represented that romantic dream of the "civilised" yearning for that land that is not only different than anything else, but perhaps bearing secrets the same way Fantasia did in "Neverending Story" or helping people discover things about themselves they never knew they existed. The Exotic is that place (sometimes I ever wonder if it's real or just the fruit of our imagination) that puts us in touch with our divine core and make us think things that make everything suddenly feel real and wholesome.

I saw "The Beach" for the 5th or 6th time last night. I watched it after coming back from Thailand first time two years ago and I have seen it now again. I have been looking over and over again at the holidays photos and now I feel compelled to see movies like "The Beach" to keep the exotic alive.

I am stepping on concrete sidewalks and breathing the fumes of the passing by cars, while trying to remember the sensation of the sand on my bare feet and the salty smell of the hot air caressing a skin that's never been happier. I am wearing high heels and fashion seems as useless as a paper hat under pouring rain. I am trying to find ways to keep myself happy in an urban world, but all I am thinking about is how to get away and reach the Exotic.

The more I think about, the more it feels like I am an amateur esoteric reader trying to find the philosophical stone that even the wisest of alchemists weren't able to grasp. I think of a world where nature is pure and unspoilt and the herds of stupid travellers don't exist, but the reality is that countries that posses the Exotic must survive by allowing these herds into spoiling the magic of it... I dream of a world where I can go and feel complete and free and new, but the reality is I will be exactly the same wherever I will find myself in this world and I MUST keep myself as happy as I can possibly be in the absence of the Exotic, even if by this I will have to pretend I live in a different place, even if I must construct my own Exotic bubble and walk the concrete sidewalks wearing a thai jasmin scented aura while remembering that superb feeling that took me over while passing my bare feet through the whitest sand I've ever seen...

Sunset on the sea

Two weeks ago I was lying on one of the very civilised chaise-longues on Kata Beach in Phuket when I decided to lie there a little bit longer and watch the sun set. It was still weird watching the sun set at 6pm...
I read a few pages of my book and suddenly I saw it all happening. The sea was particularly restless that day, wavy and unsettled, singing its ever admirable song while caressing the sand. I found myself dumbfound while looking at the flaming disk attempting to approach the sea with an impossible slowness. I concentrated all my senses to carve that moment in my memory forever: I tried to look intensley at the falling sun, listen to the humming of the sea and the birds chirping in the background, smell the salty air and try to figure out why I had tears in my eyes.
I had tears in my eyes because I suddenly felt inundated by a deep happines that came from inside my being, from a place I didn't even know it existed, and realized that the most magnificent things in life are free.
There was a mixture of pure happiness and difuse sadness as I still heard a voice at the back of my mind reminding me that I was going to go back to London and not be able to enjoy a little something like a glorious sunset on the sea...

Bangkok

I came back into Bangkok armed with patience and the knowledge of someone who's already been tricked. I was going to spend two days in Bangkok and give it another chance. I owed it to myself.
It turned out to be quite a smooth and pleasant experience. Not only I managed to avoid all the taxi touts at the airport and made my way one level down to public taxis, but the hotel where we were staying was nice and located on probably the nicest street in Bagkok - Rambuttri Street, just a few minutes away from the noisy Kao San Road.
Although I still didn't manage to see the "Big Budha" this time around either, I did enjoy a nice boat trip down the Chao Praya river an its canals, went around the Temple of Dawn and actually managed to fall in love with the city as it was, noisy, crazy, hot and somehow still very friendly. This time around I managed not to fall sick at the orgy of smells invading the streets and actually had a pad thai from a street vendor. Would I go back to Bangkok? It is definitely a city of hidden treasures which I can't even dream of having uncovered...

Post-Thailand / Pre-Easter thoughts

I wondered for a while why it took me so long to write it all down. I guess I needed a few days to shake off the jet lag, get sadly reacquainted with the famous British weather and generally give myself some time to understand the kind of revelations the Thailand trip has offered me this time.

There were a lot of thoughts going through my head every day while I was out there and I even managed to write some of them down on a notebook I was carrying with me, but right now I don't wish to go into details (this will probably be discussed in a separate post). What I really want to communicate is that I returned from my trip "enlightened", liberated, wise ( for real this time) and with a clear mind set.

I owe some of this to the conversations I've had with Kendra. A lot of personal issues have been resolved either side and a lot I have learned while trekking through Chiang Mai forests, sleeping in a village with no electricity but items for sale, riding on the back of an elephant or kaiaking on the calm Andaman Sea under a red setting sun. I have asked myself a lot of questions and prayed for help to find the answers and maybe because it's Easter or maybe because it is simply the right time, but I feel that so many of these questions have found an answer already or at least it feels like I know which way to go to find them.