It's already been six months since I've started my 'Love Project'. A very good time to have a think about what I've achieved so far. Not that I've necessarily employed a strict monitoring system other than keeping a sporadic journal and daily notes on my phone, but I've certainly started to notice some very important shifts in my attitude, changes which so far have had an important impact on the quality of my life.
When I started this project back in January, I had a different view. I dig my teeth into it accompanied by my lifelong insecurities, crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. And yes, I've had some drama along the way, but being on a mission really energised me to carry on and keep looking for ways to navigate the murky waters of modern dating. I'm not sure I had any idea of how much this project would change me, but I'm grateful to it that it did. Without it, I wouldn't probably be better off than I was a year ago, two years ago, three years ago...
That doesn't mean that I've found that special someone - at least not yet - but what I did find was a lot more love for myself. Well, I had to. Being in 'The Champions League of Dating' (as one of my dear friends likes to call it) meant that I exposed myself to more disappointing situations and the occasional heartbreak. So I had to find a way to deal with those situations better than in the past, when I would normally wallow and sulk for a long time, dump all my emotional garbage on my close friends and eventually get over it only to start all over again a few months later. Or in the words of Tony Robbins, 'If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.' So I needed to approach this differently if I wanted a different outcome and happy to report on the improvements of the last six months:
1) I am lighter. Having 'Being light' as my mantra has been a magnificent tool towards taking things less seriously. Light people are less judgemental, less worried and generally happier. And if this is not an attractive feature, then I don't know what is :)
2) I am taking things less personally. This is a great breakthrough for me. I've been believing my own stories about myself for as long as I've been alive and every time things didn't work out for me one way or another, I would add more layers to the 'unlucky in love / unworthy of love' story etc. The truth is, everyone has their own stories to believe in and most of the times nobody does anything to hurt you as a goal in itself. People generally behave in accordance with their own conditional programming and most of the times they're not even aware of, as much as you're not aware of the fact that you're just believing in a story that's not even true. So I've learnt to see past that. If anything, I decided to create nicer stories for myself to believe, if my brain really can't do without stories to feed on.
3) I am more mindful than reactive. It's the little things: like not replying to a text straight away, especially if it's been sent late in the evening. Realising than not every message requires a reply and that some people will stay in the pen pal zone if you entertain it. I think it's basically about being in control of my actions and stopping before reacting. This is definitely an improvement, I used to be so 'spontaneous' with things like that, usually not in my best interest.
4) I am more focused on what I have than on what I don't have. The Law of Attraction states that what you focus on, you'll end up receiving more of that. So if you focus on the love you already have in your life, magical things happen. See, I used to focus on the love I didn't have and, surprise, surprise, there was just more of the same. But not anymore, I am practising gratitude every night before I go to sleep and being thankful for all the love I've got out there, to all my friends, family and strangers (good looking ones, in particular ;)
5) Spreading out love. So there's one more important ingredient I've added into the mix: support with loving thoughts the love I see around me. I see a loved-up couple, I send them some loving thoughts. I'm cultivating loving thoughts left and right and you know what, it feels sooooooooo much better than when I used to be bitter and jealous of others! More of that, please!
6) I love myself more. Now, this should probably go to the top of my list, but I decided to leave it last, because I feel it summarises the other ones best. Thanks to the likes of Robert Holden and many other inspirational speakers I've been listening to for the past ten days during the Hay House World Summit, I've resolved to accept that I am 'loveable'. And that loving yourself means accepting everything about yourself, even the stupid things we do. I've finally learnt that self-love is not self-approval (ie. 'I will love myself if...' ), is self-acceptance (ie 'I love myself anyway, every day!'). And, boy, that feels good!
So now, more than ever, I am looking forward to the next six months! Bring it on: I'm ready for Love! :)
