When you’ve figured it out you need a change, first you need
to make room in your life to receive the new. Whether it’s your physical environment, habits
or relationships, it’s important to let go of things and people that don’t
bring any value into your life so you can allow the right things and people to
enter your vital space.
I’ve generally been pretty good at cleaning up my wardrobe
every once in a while, I like my environment to be tidy, I file my paperwork, I have to do lists, I surround myself with
order, light and space. But what I’ve not really considered until somewhat
recently is that the people you chose to surround yourself with have a
probably even greater impact on your wellbeing and wholesomeness and that
relationships are a two way street. A giver by nature, I found out the hard way
how easy it is to be wasteful with my energy and realised I do have people in
my life who do not actually bring anything in but are happy to take away my
time, thoughts, ideas and vitality simply because I am so indiscriminately
generous with my vital resources. I was
pretty surprised at realising that, despite the fact that I am one blessed girl
with amazing, inspirational and nurturing friends, I also have a lot of
cleaning up to do.
It started a long time ago, with me being too blind to see.
But now, awaken from the dream, I see the reality staring at me in the face. In
the person of Ben (not his real name) eating his green Thai curry opposite me
and asking for the second bottle of beer while I'm not even half way through
my Singha. I ignore it and close my eyes
savouring the most delicious curry coconut soup with prawns I’ve ever had and
wondering what am I really doing here. After all, he has dumped me 5 months ago
on the basis that ‘he couldn’t be bothered’.
What am I trying to achieve by giving him advice on how he should
establish an emotional connection with someone if he doesn’t want to end up
alone, wondering if his real purpose isn’t perhaps to bed me for old time’s
sake? Wondering why did I gladly accept to hang out with him when I don’t even
like the guy so much, when I notice he walks funny, he’s not holding the door
for me and he’s drinking too much? Wondering what the hell is my ego looking
for: recognition (‘you were right and I was wrong?’), boost (‘you’re so much
fun and I love hanging out with you’), flattery (‘I still fancy you’)? And to
what purpose? I decide that I probably need to be in this situation so I can
finally put an end to this and realise that just because something isn’t obviously
toxic or blatantly destructive it doesn’t mean it’s good for you. I send him a
text in the morning asking him to not get in touch with me again.
And yes, it does make me feel better. Because life’s supposed
to be an evolutionary process and it’s absolutely normal that we outgrow
situations, relationships and people in it. Feeling empowered by the decisions
we make propel us to higher and higher grounds. And if there’s anything we
should be looking for in our mutually nurturing relationships is the feeling that
together we are limitless.
Let the right ones in!
