For a very long time, I felt that I had so many issues and so much unfinished business with myself that I had to write it down and put it on this blog as a form of possible therapy. These days, I feel that I have made peace with myself in so many ways and somehow this helps my disposition to writing. I think that since I kind of managed to be in control of reality, I may be able to start making fiction...

Nostalgia

This week I started a new job. It is a really lovely place with really lovely people and I feel that my life there will be a very good one. I know I have made the best career decision and I know that since, after just two days, I am hands on with one of my accounts.

Still I can't really explain the tears that just won't stop running down my cheeks, smudging my make-up and blocking my nose to the point of making my breathing close to impossible. I am crying for a very long time and when I think I am ready to stop I remember what made me cry and I start shedding tears all over again.

This is a post I am dedicating to Hogarth, the company I have just left. I can't stop crying because I remember that in this company I was genuinely happy. It is without a doubt the first place in my entire working life where I was truly happy. I did enjoy waking up in the morning, putting on something nice to wear, meticulously applying my make-up and feeling like a million dollars every day while walking down Shaftesbury avenue from High Holborn, sometimes stopping to pick up a cappuccino on my way and walking on air, feeling fabulous. I did enjoy the company of so many wonderful people which I dare to say they are my friends and if there is anything I can do about it, they will stay this way. I did enjoy the feeling I had of looking forward for every single day.

I cry because I am ultimately an extremely social being and Hogarth has provided me with the best social environment and has made me bloom and boost my self confidence and repossessed me with a new thirst for life and love for people.

Yes, I cry. I cry because it finally kicks in that it is now over and I can never turn back the time. I cry because I am fully aware of my decision of accepting to go somewhere else and I stand by my decision, but I guess that I need to mourn a bit over what were the most happy 10 months of my working life and I guess it is not as easy to let go of memories as I thought. I am human after all and still amazed by how time is something that just keeps on running and sometimes it leaves scars. Or really wonderful memories...

Here comes the next chapter

It came sooner than I thought, sooner than I even planned. After only nine months in my curent job, I have received another job offer and before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to all the lovely people I had the blessing of working with and making it all official, I realized there was no turning back. Not that I wanted to turn back but an ending chaper always requires a moment to take it all in, a few embarassing tears and that split second thought of, what if I am no doing the right thing. Somehow I trust my lucky star that no matter what I am doing the right thing. Not even once I had taken a job regretting it afterwards, nor did any of my jobs represented anything else than a step forward.
I gave myself a few days in between to get my mind set for the new chapter and after serious debating with myself I reached a serious and very important conclusion: instead of running away as I always do whenever I have a few days off, I decided to stay in London and come sunshine or rain, make the absolute most of my time before starting the new job. I am pleased with my resolution and I am pleased with my mind set. It all kicked off today with a pub crawl in Camden under pouring rain, which, believe it or not, was a fun thing to do and, despite me being completely soaked, I did have a wonderful time and still got home before midnight. In normal circumstances I'd find this pretty depressing, but it certainly looks like a new and improved version of myself is getting ready to write the next chapter. Bring it on!