Let the right ones in

 

When you’ve figured it out you need a change, first you need to make room in your life to receive the new.  Whether it’s your physical environment, habits or relationships, it’s important to let go of things and people that don’t bring any value into your life so you can allow the right things and people to enter your vital space.

I’ve generally been pretty good at cleaning up my wardrobe every once in a while, I like my environment to be tidy,  I file my paperwork,  I have to do lists, I surround myself with order, light and space. But what I’ve not really considered until somewhat recently is that the people you chose to surround yourself with have a probably even greater impact on your wellbeing and wholesomeness and that relationships are a two way street. A giver by nature, I found out the hard way how easy it is to be wasteful with my energy and realised I do have people in my life who do not actually bring anything in but are happy to take away my time, thoughts, ideas and vitality simply because I am so indiscriminately generous with my vital resources.  I was pretty surprised at realising that, despite the fact that I am one blessed girl with amazing, inspirational and nurturing friends, I also have a lot of cleaning up to do.

It started a long time ago, with me being too blind to see. But now, awaken from the dream, I see the reality staring at me in the face. In the person of Ben (not his real name) eating his green Thai curry opposite me and asking for the second bottle of beer while I'm not even half way through my Singha.  I ignore it and close my eyes savouring the most delicious curry coconut soup with prawns I’ve ever had and wondering what am I really doing here. After all, he has dumped me 5 months ago on the basis that ‘he couldn’t be bothered’.  What am I trying to achieve by giving him advice on how he should establish an emotional connection with someone if he doesn’t want to end up alone, wondering if his real purpose isn’t perhaps to bed me for old time’s sake? Wondering why did I gladly accept to hang out with him when I don’t even like the guy so much, when I notice he walks funny, he’s not holding the door for me and he’s drinking too much? Wondering what the hell is my ego looking for: recognition (‘you were right and I was wrong?’), boost (‘you’re so much fun and I love hanging out with you’), flattery (‘I still fancy you’)? And to what purpose? I decide that I probably need to be in this situation so I can finally put an end to this and realise that just because something isn’t obviously toxic or blatantly destructive it doesn’t mean it’s good for you. I send him a text in the morning asking him to not get in touch with me again.

And yes, it does make me feel better. Because life’s supposed to be an evolutionary process and it’s absolutely normal that we outgrow situations, relationships and people in it. Feeling empowered by the decisions we make propel us to higher and higher grounds. And if there’s anything we should be looking for in our mutually nurturing relationships is the feeling that together we are limitless.

Let the right ones in!